JORDAN'S CRAP BLOG

Word Of The Day

2005-06-28T23:58:00.000+08:00

Blogolitics.

Kaninah. After a long day at work, just wanna sit down, ribena in hand, cigarette in another, read blogs, leave crappy comments, and practice my crappy writing skills. Scarly come out this Blogolitics shit. Si beh sian. How come ah? Can I join oso?

Man... I thought I'm the only one who's able to churn out crappy posts. You've beaten me hands down. I dont only think that's wonderful crap you've written, I thought it's utterly stupid and dumb as well. You champion ok?

Is it really so tough to get along with people in the blogosphere?

Check this out first before reading further.

Now it's no longer fight first, talk later. Now got blog what. So blog loh.

Re-enactment in our blogging community. No wait, cannot use 'blogging community'. Some people "do not appreciate that" So, below is a re-enactment of what will transpire should bloggers not see eye to eye.

ZZ : hai... sian ah. (Sigh... boring)
YY : go where ah?

ZZ : aiyah dunno lah. go orchard lah
YY : ah steady lah steady.

ZZ : eh that guy ah, diao wa nang (that guy ah, stare at us)
YY : nabeh, dare to stare at us

ZZ : kaninah
YY : diao simi?!!! (what stare stare?!!!)

XX : buay sai si boh? diao le bo lan ah! (cannot issit? stare you no birdie ah!)
XX : *insert ah beng song*

YY : *insert ah beng song*
XX : le tan. wa ki BLOG hor le si! (you wait. I go BLOG until you die!)

Should be something like that right?

I am so addicted to that flash. Hahah!

To Anonymous

2005-06-27T18:35:00.000+08:00

Dear anonymous who left a comment on my previous entry,

To be honest, your comment scare-ded me a bit. With that comment, I take it that you know him and/or me personally. Enemies? No? Then you dont have to hide under the cloak of anonymity right?

Dont scare me ok?

Sure I can tell you (or everyone, since you said "us") stories about my brother.

Just leave a name.

Thanks ah.

Presenting Two Guest Bloggers

2005-06-25T19:12:00.000+08:00

Those two buggers cant seem to stop bugging and irritating the hell out of me because they are damm bored. Therefore I suggested a couple of stuffs to keep them occupied just so I could sleep!

Them : Shu shu, we very bored.
Me : Then how? Call police?
Them : ......

Me : Want to play some games?
Them : Ya!

Me : Play sweep my floor want? Who sweep the cleanest win.
Them : Dowan!

Me : Then play mop my floor loh.
Them : Dowan!

Me : Play tidy my room?
Them : Dowan!

Me : Then we play sleeping loh. Who fall asleep the fastest win.
Them : Dowan to sleep!

Me : ......
Me : I know I know! We play write stories.

Them : Write what stories?
Me : Any stories lah. The nicest story wins. Use my computer.

Them : Ok loh.

Finally, they left me alone.

For 20 minutes only.

#@$%^*&!%!!!

May I present the crap that they wrote during that 20 minutes. Do note that both entries are not edited in any way. I inserted a few breaks to make it more reader-friendly that's all.

Story by Melissa, 10 years old :

There is a family that lives in a flat Punggol , in that flat there lived 3 people,Jordan,Felin and Tan Guat Kim...

Jordan was a man he is around 20 years old...He likes to play the computer , sleep , take pictures ,go fishing and be a millionare/billionare/zillionare ...

Felin is a girl she also around 20 years old[a person that little children don't really like]...She likes to play the computer,auction unwanted things,take pictures and is a person that likes to scold little children...

Tan Guat Kim is a woman around 60 yeears old,she is the mother of Jordan and Felin.She goes to the market or NTUC at around 4 times a week.She likes to sew,cook,sleep and watch television.

And almost every weekend there will be two little girls going to Jordan's house to meet up to play ...One is called glenis the other called melissa sometimes when they go out together they are mistaken that they are sisters but they are actually cousins ... when they leave the computer on for 10 mins and no one's using it and Jordan see's it he'll say "electricity very expensive one leh"

THE END

Story by Glenis, 9 years old :

My grandmother's house is very messy.The living room is plain with only a television,two tables,four chairs a cupboard and a sofa.The toilet is quite dirty too.

My grandmother's room is a bit messy.The pillows on the bed are all lying around,the cupboard's clothes are crumpled,under the bed has many plastic bags filled with things inside and there is also a sewing machine and a television.

The kitchen has a lot of food like fruits,vegetables and many more.the refrigerator has not much food in it.There are sauces,some food and drinks like coke and root beer.There are corns,carrots and some meat.

In the store room,there is a basketball,vacum cleaner .and many many many more things.

THE END

Not bad eh? I suggested they write here at least once a week and they agreed. They could be Singapore's youngest bloggers ever!

A Day In The Office

2005-06-23T23:46:00.000+08:00

I mentioned somewhere that work pretty much sucked for the last one week. Dunno why it's been so bloody quiet the past few days that all I could do was stare at the bloody screen.

The MSN conversation below took place yesterday with a trading buddy named 'Sonic'. You might not understand what's going on in the conversation really. I just thought it's damm funny. Two guys, absolutely clueless and bloody frustrated by the quiet market, decided to just close their eyes, take a step into the dark and execute a trade, based on my gut feel that it'll be a profitable one. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesnt.

Well it worked to perfection yesterday. My 'feeling' is damm zhun (accurate) at that point.

Me : feeling lai liao (feeling come already)
Me : buy

Sonic : k
Sonic : u buy 50 liao or 45

Me : waiting for 40
Me : i wanna buy 50 liao

Me : later u see 50 trade 10 lots is mine
Sonic : me 2. 40 i first 20 lots in the q

Sonic : u got buy 45?
Me : no

Me : scared
Me : u?

Sonic : nearly
Me : me too

Sonic : but never
Sonic : got q 40?

Me : yeah
Me : first few

Sonic : let's hope 40 fill that time it's still 40 bid
Me : yeah

Me : let's hope
Sonic : i oso first few

(KNN. Talk so much but still no balls to buy at this point.)

Me : wanna buy 45 together?
Sonic : u buy i buy

Sonic : maybe later
Me : u buy i buy

Me : fuck lah
Me : just buy?

Sonic : sure?
Me : ya

Me : think so
Sonic : u buy i buy

Me : i buy liao
Sonic : me 2

Finally, after talking so much cock, we did the trade.

Me : ok
Me : i pang diao

Sonic : what u mean?
Me : i keep

Sonic : u got q 50?
Me : 55

Sonic : k
Me : u?

Sonic : never q
Sonic :now 45 offer leh

Me : loon (meaning grab on to your balls and pray)
Sonic : u scratch* let me know

*scratch - No, not talking about scratching balls here. 'Scratch' simply means to buy or sell back a trade at the same price, thereby incurring neither a profit nor loss.

Me : k
Me : either make money or cut loss

Me : i sian liao (I boring already)
Me : no scratch

Sonic : i never make leh
Me : cash going up

At this point, the cash market started trading up.

Me : cash trading 55
Sonic : k

Me : 560 offer pull out 500 lots liao
Me : he scared

Sonic : smoke?
Me : cheers

At this point, a profit was made.

Sonic : yes!
Me : yes!

Me : gimme a five man!
Me : run 55 or 50?

sonic : 55 u?
Me : 55

Me : si beh happy (damm happy)
Sonic : up 2 u up 5?

Me : ya
Sonic : yeah

Me : told u i very zhun one (I told you I very accurate one.)
Me : lucky run 55. we damm good. high of the day

There you have it. This whole conversation took less than 3 minutes. Simply put, we bought 45 and ran 55.

No understand? Hahah!

The Crappiest Post Of My Life

2005-06-23T01:10:00.000+08:00

Warning - Do not read at all cost!!!

Last night, I made a promise that I'll do up an entry tonight. I hate breaking promises so here goes...

Seriously, I have no jack of an idea what to write. My mind's a blank right now but I have a feeling that I can write at least 1,000 words tonight. Let's see.

It's now 11:46 PM.

I still dont know what to write. Gimme two minutes to think about it.

Ok. Back. It's now 11:48 PM.

I still dont know what to write.

See? I'm making progress. I reckon I can hit my 1,000th word in about 7 hours time if I carry on doing this. Hahah.

Funny meh? Not funny what. Why am I haha-ing? I think I'm mad. I'm rambling like a mad man.

Great. At least I'm making progress here. See? I'm blogging!

It's a wonderful feeling actually, writing whatever that comes to my mind at this very instance. For example right now at this very moment I'm thinking, why the hell am I blogging when I've got absolutely nothing to blog about? Why am I still typing? Ooohhh... to fulfill the promise I made to myself last night loh. That's why I'm typing all these crap. Even this sentence that I'm currently typing now is considered crap. And the sentence after the previous sentence, which is this sentence. And of course, the sentence after the previous and previous previous sentence, which is this sentence. I can go on but I dont wish to confuse myself too much.

Let me do a select all and copy and see how many words I've done so far. Wait.

Two Hundred and Seventy Eight words till now!!! Whoopeeee!!!! See? Got progress leh! The reason why I didnt type out the numbers '278' is because I get to type out another 4 extra words. Four more extra words you know? Hahaha!!! Am I good or am I good?

It's now 12:01 AM.

Let's see what else I can churn out.

Song currently playing on my Windows Media Player - Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen. I love that song. I caught 'Jerry Maguire' for the first time on DVD a couple of weeks back if I can remember correctly. I teared during one part. Yeah I know. I'm a wuss. Another movie that I teared while watching is 'Armama-da-gedon'. Cant be bothered to check spelling so please pardon me. You are not supposed to read this entry anyway. Didnt you see the warning right at the top?! Tsk Tsk Tsk.

If you've read this far, congratulations. You are insane!

12:08 AM

Word count : 439

Nabeh. Type so much already still not even halfway there. Ptooi!

Ah! There's something to write. Remember I mentioned I got my first ever MP3 player as a gift? I went running yesterday with it. Man, I could run like the wind when I'm plugged to those earphones! Damm shiok! Why didnt I get myself one earlier? Downloaded a couple of 'Prodigy' hits earlier. Am gonna gun for at least 7km with it tomorrow. I'm all pscyhed up earlier when listening to 'Prodigy' that I wanted to grab my gear and go running. But of course I'm not mad lah. It was 11pm!

Ok. That's it. What else can I write?

Wimbeldon is going on now!

No, I'm not a fan of tennis. Why am I following then? Maria Sharapova lah! She is freaking HOT!!! And she's only what? 18? !!!!!! Anybody who watches her play on TV will know that she grunts A LOT while playing. I read a few days ago on paper that sometimes her grunting noises will hit a high of 100 decibels! Equivalent to that of a small plane landing or taking off! Can you believe that? Hahah! I wonder how many decibels behind closed doors. Heh. A confession. Her grunting noises sometimes makes me think about funny funny stuffs. Hot blooded males should know what I'm talking about. No good. I shall resort to the mute button next time she plays.

12:19 AM

Word count : 681

Nabeh.

Oh yes! Write about my crush! Here goes...

Once upon a time, boy meets girl somewhere on planet earth. Boy develops crush for girl. Girl no like boy. Boy very sad. The end.

Nabeh. Like that how to hit another few hundred words. Let me try again.

Once upon a time, boy went drinking with a big group of people. That night, he saw her for the first time. She's damm cute. No wait. It should be SHE'S DAMM CUTE! Boy dying to go up and introduce himself but he is too damm shy. What is he gonna say? "Hello?" or "Hi?" or "Errrrrr?" What if words cant find its way out of his mouth? He'll look like a complete doofus. Furthermore, girl was sitting too damm far from boy. In order to go up to her and introduce himself, boy would have to travel the equivalent of Jurong to Pasir Ris. Not a wise choice considering boy doesnt drive. So boy waited. And waited.

Finally the chance came. Girl happened to pass by boy (dunno whether she did it on purpose or not. hahaha!). Boy took a deep breadth, summoned all his courage from within and walked up to her.

Boy : Hi, my name is Boy. It's so nice to meet you.

Girl : Likewise.

Boy's heart stopped beating for that few seconds. I kid you not. Time literally froze for that few seconds.

"Likewise."

Boy was impressed. Who the hell uses "likewise" when someone says "it's nice to meet you?" Certainly not boy. Normally people will say "same" or "nice meeting you too" or something like that. But "likewise"?

"Hhhmmm... This char boh not simple." Boy thought to himself. She's damm cute and smart too!

So what happened after that introduction? Boy cannot think liao. It's already 1:09 AM. Boy needs to do word count and then go sleep.

Wait ah. Word count.

1,002 words!!!!!! And that's not including this paragraph!!!!!! Now who says you dont blog when you have absolutely no jack to blog about? That's bullshit! Hahaha!

Take it from me. Just write crap.

Back

2005-06-21T23:58:00.000+08:00

It's been one week. There are so many things I wanna put down in words.

I wanna blog about...

... the silly crush that I'm having right now.

... the BBQ last Friday night in celebration of my birthday.

... how I spent my birthday on that truly special Saturday night itself.

... how work sucks big time for the last one week.

... how freaking lazy I am nowadays to even update my blog.

... how freaking guilty I feel for not reading your blogs (yes you) and leaving a comment or two.

... the Adobe Photoshop that I've installed. One word. Fucking cheam. I'll be better off with Microsoft Photo Editor.

... the silly crush that I'm having right now.

... my first ever MP3 player. Pretty awesome stuff.

... whether one should date another blogger. Imagine the horrors if things ended on a sour note. But what if it doesnt?

... how I'm back to my usual 20 or so cancer sticks everyday. Again. I know.

... how I'm longing to fall in love again.

... the Formula One race at Indianapolis last Sunday, and how I cant believe I stayed up to watch only 6 fucking cars race. Until 4 plus in the freaking morning!

But I'm lazy. I dont know why but I kinda have this nagging feeling that this blog is dying a painful death. It's been one week but I still cant find back the drive to carry on blogging on a regular basis. I wont go as far as to say this will be my last entry cause I dont wish to be a cocktease. I dont think I'll stop blogging totally. I really dont. Or maybe I'll update once a while. I really dont know. Or maybe I need another week off. Ah crap.

Oh wait. There's something here I wanna blog about that will take more than one sentence. That is, never trust those horoscope predictions in the 'Life!' section of The Straits Times. Here's what it said of Geminis on 20th June 2005.

"A relationship is morphing - from co-workers to friends, perhaps, or maybe from friends to more than friends. Help it along by spending some time together away from the office or the crowd. Go have a BBQ or something.

Nabeh. Kena conned. NEVER TRUST THEM! Ptooi! Morphing? Morph my smelly ass!

It's been so long. I think I've cleanly forgotten how it feels like to be loved. Can people forget how it feels like to be loved? I could be the first.

There you go. My first entry in a week. To be honest, I feel damm good after typing out all these crap. Phew! I hope I can do another one tomorrow.

Happy birthday to all Geminis. We are kewl people.

Be Right Back

2005-06-15T20:32:00.000+08:00

Taking a few days break from all blogging related stuffs.

Tired. Very tired.

Lazy.

Moody.

But hey, still smiling! :)

Gotta run. Strong feeling I'll get pissed tonight.

Do Appearances Get In The Way? I Think So.

2005-06-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

Meeting up with fellow blogger(s) for that very first time, good or bad?

I never thought I had to answer this question. It has to be a good thing, considering we can finally plaster a real face onto all those words we've been reading. We get to meet our idols, bloggers we've been worshipping for months or even years. We get to finally meet that member of the opposite sex, after flirting in the comments section for months. We get to widen our social circle, chill, and talk about the one passion that brought us all together. I mean, it has to be a good thing right?

Or is it?

An unfortunate incident that occurred made me re-evaluate that only possible answer.

Here's an extract of an email, received from a well-known anonymous blogger. Said blogger has never met another blogger in real life, and dont intend to so in the near future.

"What's the feeling like? Are they the same as their writings? I'm curious about that. Because I think writing portrays a different person, don't you think? Do appearances get in the way? I think that's the thing about blogging. You don't get to see the other person, so whatever you read, you always put your own picture into the words. You may imagine the person to be a stunning, or charming person. However, after you meet up, that imaginative aspect is gone, and the writing doesn't sound so exciting anymore. Is that true?"

Like I mentioned earlier, an unfortunate incident happened. I wont go as far as to say what that unfortunate incident was all about. I wasnt involved in it. All I can say is that I'm pretty shocked by what happened.

Appearances do get in the way. I guess that's true for many. It's kinda disheartening to even write about it.

Imagine reading his/her blog for months, or even years. He/she made you laugh so hard with his/her writings that you choked on your egg roll. A crush soon developed. Leaving that first comment on his/her blog connected you two in cyberspace. Both started to flirt a little here and there. It wont be long before both toyed with the idea of meeting up in real life.

D-day arrived.

He/she is different. You are utterly disappointed. Full stop.

You will keep on reading his/her blog, simply because it has been like a daily ritual to do so. Thing is, it's no longer the same. It could never be the same. An invisible barrier has already sprung out from nowhere, firmly positioning itself between the both of you the second your eyes met. Worst, you might even stop reading his/her blog altogether, because the "WOW" factor is no longer present.

Sad? Well it's happening as far as I can see.

More examples,

"Chey! I thought he/she looked like some hunk/babe. Nabeh. Kena conned!"

"Kaninah! His writings maciam that of a PhD Scholar, but his looks kena sai."

"Nabeh! Write like shunu, but look like bitch."

"Eeeeeyur! How come so different one?"

"Chey!"

"Ptooi!"

"Duh!"

With the up and coming Bloggers.sg, I dread to think how many "WOWs" will transform into "DUHs".

I guess what I really want to say is, should anybody decide one day to meet up with fellow blogger(s), go with an open mind and keep all expectations under lock and key. Dont let appearances get in the way of your admiration for his/her blog. Appearance is not everything in this blogosphere.

That said, it's a natural trait for us humans to judge a book by its cover. Maybe it's really a good thing to remain mysterious and anonymous in this blogging world, just so you could be appreciated based on your writings, not your looks.

Zombified...

2005-06-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

Wanted to do a nice little entry on last night's Zouk outing with the guys, but I'm feeling too bloody lazy after catching up on all other blogs and leaving some random comments. The fact that I'm still feeling pretty zombified from last night didnt help much either.

Well what do you know, last night's little party even got itself tomorrow-ed.

Just a few rants...

Last night was hot!

When I say hot, I mean capital-letters-plus-bold-plus-six-exclamation-marks HOT!!!!!!

Two of them kissed last night. Go figure. I was right behind them!

I got myself molested. Everywhere except the you-know-where. No wait. Not really. But never mind about that.

If anyone were to tell me one month ago I'll be dancing with FF and knocking our buns together and all, I would have thought he or she is INSANE! I mean, it's FF you know?! FF! Practically everyone, females included, were swooning all over her. We were sitting right next to each other at the prata shop with everybody else after the night ended. Sitting next to each other you know? She drank from my cup of water you know? FF you know? Hahaha! Now I sound like a primary school girl obsessed with FUG4. I really need to get a grip. She is kan pua si lang cute. Nuff said.

Airhole, it was a great pleasure to have finally met you. You bloody cock talker! KNN... when will you ever run out of cock to talk? Hahah!

And Joel, please watch out the next time you drink. We might not be there for you the next time. Hope you are feeling better. :)

Oh yeah, finally saw Scarlett Ting without all those damm twirls around the mouth. Hahah! What more can I say. It was a babe feast last night.

That's all I guess. I need sleep.

Complete guest list here. Courtesy of sassyjan (HOT! HOT! HOT!).

I cant remember how many sticks of cigarettes I had last night. Same goes for today. Told you I'm weak.

I'll go back to 6 sticks tomorrow. Promise.

Don't Make Any Vows You Can't Keep

2005-06-07T23:09:00.000+08:00

It pains me when I read this earlier. These kinds of entries never fail to affect me deeply every single time.

Always think thrice before you take that sacred vow. It's not a game.

"Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, be faithful to him, so long as you both shall live."

Apparently not.

There are a thousand and one questions that I would like to propose, but I'll shut my trap.

Sure, shit tends to strike us in rather mysterious ways. That's why I dont wish to judge. Infidelity is in fashion nowadays anyway.

~~Anyway, great picture aint it?~~

On a brighter note, I did it. I freaking did it.

Only 5 cigarettes for the whole day till now. FIVE ONLY! That's like what? An eighty freaking percent reduction! One more stick later and that's it. Total of 6 for the whole of today.

It's not easy. I was trembling slightly earlier. No joke.

Endure I will.

Eudure!

2005-06-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

I did it on the day of my IPPT, I can hell do it again.

No more than 10 cigarettes everyday from tomorrow onwards, down from the usual 25 or so.

I can never go cold turkey. Tired millions of times before but I stumbled miserably every single time.

I dont think I can quit totally either. 12 years. 12 freaking years. Least I can do now is to cut down on my intake, and pray for a miracle.

Honestly, I really cant even being to imagine what's my life gonna be like without cigarettes.

- A cigarette after a big meal. That to me beats even the world's best strawberry cheesecake ice cream.

- A cigarette after sex, is akin to having a second orgasm. Nuff said.

- A cigarette during my morning shit. I really cant find any words to describe this one. Any help? The feeling is like...... si beh song lah! No words. Smokers will better relate to this one. I dont know bout others but my crap tends to discharge itself better when I'm smoking.

- A cigarette when I'm feeling stressed out. This might seem like horseshit to non-smokers but believe me, a few puffs will calm me down somewhat when I'm feeling stressed.

- A cigarette when I'm depressed. It helps with the depression, especially during those cold, lonely nights when you just wish there's someone to hug.

- A cigarette after I executed a bad trade, causing me to lose money. Again, this will clam me down and clear my head somewhat, preventing me from doing silly mistakes again. It works. Sometimes.

- A cigarette after a good trading day. What better way to celebrate than to sit down, smoke, and enjoy the rest of my day?

- A cigarette after a fuck dup trading day. I'm a fuck dup drinker, so I smoke to drown my sorrows.

- Cigarettes when drinking, clubbing or having coffee. Beer and cigarettes go hand in hand. Having beer without cigarettes is like having a Gelare waffle without ice cream. WTF?! No ice cream?! Go Gelare for what?!

- A cigarette while watching porn. This is to clam down the tiger, preventing it from getting too fierce. It helps at times.

How to quit like that?

10 sticks per day. I'll try my freaking best.

God help me after that.

I want to quit. Serious.

I Had Sex Last Night

2005-06-04T13:40:00.000+08:00

Warning - For mature readers only.

It was our first date. Just like any other dates, it started off pretty innocently enough. I never really expected myself to get laid when I sent her home last night, till she invited me into her apartment when we were at her doorsteps.

"Dont go......" She whispered into my ear when I planted a kiss on her cheek.

Actually, I knew. The signs were telling. They were there all night.

The way she leaned forward at the dinner table, every second teasing me with her generous cleavage.

The way her hand lingered on my thigh a second longer than needed, while laughing at my jokes.

The way we danced......

We were swaying to tracks of R & B on the dance floor, keeping our distance initially. Not for long though. It could be the bottle of wine we had, as we find our bodies constantly inching towards each other, lusting for the sense of touch. Before I knew it, we were dancing with her petite body pressed up against mine, with her hands around my neck. I felt those breasts on me for the first time. A C cup, as I would find out later in the night with my two good hands.

She is incredibly sexy with her moves. Stunningly beautiful. Every man's dream shag. And boy can she dance. Erotically......

As Justin Timberlake's "(And She Said) Take Me Now" came on, she turned and invited her tight ass onto my crotch. I responded by gyrating with my hips. Waves of pleasure consumed both our bodies like a tidal wave. I could feel that she wanted me to take her right there right then, as I felt that she pressed her buttocks too tightly against my groin. I got enormously aroused. She must have felt it through those jeans.

She knew that she's in control all along. I was at her mercy while she played with me, titillating my hungry loins and making me ache for her. That turned me on. She knew that.

Our lips locked for the first time the second we got into her room. A long, deep, wet kiss. Our tongues played the usual games that we both are so familiar with. We're both very hungry, and wasted no time with too much preliminaries. I felt her hands undoing my belt, followed by my zipper, and nearly tearing off my shirt in the process while our tongues were dancing together. I followed suit, taking off pieces of her clothing, undressing her with great excitement and wild anticipation like how a small kid would tear off the wrappings of a giant Christmas present.

It didnt take long before I slid off her bra, exposing her beautiful breasts to full view. Soon, we were both fully exposed by the bed, facing each other. We checked out each other's naked, defenseless body from head to toe.

"Your body is exceptionally beautiful." I told her.

"I can tell that you like it." She looked down on me and grinned.

Wasting no time, she went downstairs...

I let out an involuntary shiver as she took me in her mouth. It felt good. Real good.

"Finally after 28 years", I thought to myself, "I get to score on a first date."

It was at this point when I heard, "叔叔！ Play badminton!"

I got jolted awake by my nieces. They had climbed onto my bed, wanting me to play badminton with them. Brats.

Nabeh. I cant even score on a first date in my dreams.

There you go. My very first, and probably the last attempt at writing an erotic entry based on the dream I had last night, if you can consider this erotic that is.

Not everything written here occurred in the dream though. I shamelessly added some salt and pepper to make it tastier. Hahah!

I could never write erotic entries to save my life. I know.

I need a cold shower now.

0372 - Go buy 4D For Today. Sure Kena.

2005-06-01T13:46:00.000+08:00

That's my tag number for yesterday's IPPT. Must buy.

Anyway, I see myself too up already. Cant even hit Silver for my IPPT and yet I talked about getting Gold! What more, I nearly flung the freaking test! One sit-up was all that mattered. Had I not been able to do that one last sit-up, I'll be dragging my sorry ass to RT (Remedial Training) twice a week for 8 weeks.

I dont know about other camps but if anybody wants to cheat on his sit-ups with a buddy that's holding on to your ankles and counting your scores, dont go to Bedok Camp. That place is freaking high tech now. Gone were the days when you can do only 20 sit-ups and have your buddy report a score of 40. Now, all static stations have gone fully electronic. That means cheating is highly impossible now, since every sit-up and chin-up are counted by a computer of sorts, and your scores are barked out through a speaker by some electronic gadget.

The systems there are freaking impressive.

Cant say the same for that PTI (Physical Training Instructor) though. He's a bloody fucker alright. Nabeh... He was practically shouting at me while I'm doing my sit-ups as though I'm a bloody recruit.

"Higher than that!"

Nabeh.

"Higher than that!"

"One last chance. Or else no count!"

"Dont bang your backside on the mat!"

I stared at him.

"I say again, dont bang your backside!"

I stared at him.

"Can hear the sound? I say dont bang your backside on the mat!"

Nabeh CB.

"Last warning. Or else no count!"

Nabeh CB.

When I did that 30th sit-up to guarantee me of a pass in the final second, he shook his head and gave me that nabeh-like-that-oso-can-pass look. I swear he nearly wanted to spit at me. CB.

I dont know why but my sit-ups have always been weak. I did a miserable 16 sit-ups for my first ever IPPT back in BMT (Basic Military Training) when I was 18. 16 sit-ups in one minute! Beat that. Heh. Ya ya I know. Even a gu-niang can do better. There's this uncle with me yesterday. He managed to complete 40 sit-ups within one minute. Nabeh. Something is not right.

Here are the pathetic scores.

Sit Up : 30 (D - 2 Points) Just passed.

Chin Up : 11 (A - 5 Points)

Broad Jump : 243 cm (A - 5 Points)

Shuttle Run : 9.5 secs (A - 5 Points)

2.4 km Run : 11 mins 43 secs (C - 3 Points)

Though I very nearly flung the test because of my sit-ups, I managed to earn $100 cause I acquired at least a D for every station with a total score of 15 points. Not bad for 60 minutes of work lah.

3 more sit-ups and I'll get another $100.

Nabeh.

Oh yeah. I had a total of only 10 sticks of cigarettes for the whole of yesterday, compared to the usual 25 sticks or so per day. Not bad eh? No choice. I wanted to reserve some space for oxygen in my lungs so as to do well for my 2.4 km run. Plus, it's World No Smoking Day yesterday.

I'm so proud of myself. 10 sticks you know?

Too bad. I'm back to square one now.

Individual Physical Proficiency Test (IPPT) Tomorrow!

2005-05-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

I'm all physced up for tomorrow's IPPT.

Went for a 2.4km trial run earlier. I managed to clock 11 mins 30 secs for it. Almost die-ded. 11 minutes and thirty seconds you know? Yeah yeah. I know it's no big deal to many but it's a great achievement for me. That beats even last year's time of 11 mins 41 secs! And today's time is only a trial! I'm surprised really. Not bad for a 28 year old chain smoker I guess. I hope my stopwatch wasnt screwed or anything just now.

I might be able to hit the Gold Award. I just might. Judging from the time I clocked earlier, another 10 secs faster in my 2.4km run is all I need to strike Gold (see score table below). I so physced up! Gold leh! I've never achieved a Gold Award for all IPPTs in my entire life!

Tomorrow might just be the first.

Advertising In Its Cheapest Form

2005-05-30T09:26:00.000+08:00

That cute puppy image used in the previous entry is courtesy from a good friend, Darren.

Anyone out there interested in getting a Golden Retriever can check out his pet shop at Elias Mall, Pasir Ris. Or you can visit http://www.fur.com.sg/

Liscount guaranteed.

Here's another image.

Each successful purchase will snag me a free meal as well. I believe.

What A Blissful Sunday

2005-05-29T15:53:00.000+08:00

Never had staying home the whole of Sunday been so perfect for quite a while. For me at least. I've never been happier when it rains on a Sunday when I stay home. Today's a day when I propel The Art Of Nua-ing to a brand new level. I've got my bed, Ruffles, DVDs and Café Del Mar. What more could I ask for? Let me see.

Someone dear to share the packet of Ruffles with perhaps? Maybe. Afterall it's such a freaking HUGE packet.

One to snuggle up close while watching DVDs? Maybe. It's kinda disheartening when there's no one to share some laughs while watching Friends.

Someone whom you can make the sweetest love to? Maybe. Making passionate love on a rainy Sunday is just..... Perfect.

Sharing a big pot of Tom Yam steamboat sounds really fantastic too.

So too does not having to wash up after that of course.

And today is supposed to be perfect for staying home.

Ah crap. It's just one of those days that I really really need a good hug.

What A Night!

2005-05-27T10:40:00.000+08:00

Last night was a huge blast.

Instead of hanging out and talking crap in the Cowboy Bar, we hung out in a real bar. We finally shook hands, after clicking on each other's blogs for months (or even years for some?). We chatted face to face, instead of leaving crappy comments. We toasted to all our drinks, shared many laughs, took lots of pictures, and get stoned on alcohol (for me at least).

Wonderful night to be remembered. Nice relaxing music. A great place to chill. The company? Even better. All these would not have been made possible without the one common passion we all share. Blogging of course.

A picture taken together with mrbrown and Mr Miyagi, the grandfathers of this blogging community, is all that it took to round up the amazing evening. I could not have asked for more.

How cool is this shot?! No prize for being the tallest though.

It was a privilege meeting all of you guys.

mrbrown
Mr Miyagi
James Seng
Makan Guru
Mandrake
One Little Twit
Mail Order Bride
Sandra Powerpuff
Finicky Feline
TriplePeriod
Barffie
Rouk
Silly Celly
Joel
Miryclay
Mao Tai
Kelawarkilat

I think I've missed out on quite a few. There were so many!

Afraid Of Being Single The Rest Of Your Life? Get A Backup

2005-05-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

The conversation below took place on MSN yesterday around one-ish in the afternoon.

Me - will u marry me if we are still single by the time you are 40?
She - Huh? You asking the right person?

Me - yes lah! or 50. hahah
She - Oh ok...how come suddenly ask?

She - Wah liews...how can you be single till 40 lah
She - I'd marry you if I'm still single by 30 man

Me - i dunno .... just thought we could use each other as backup mah
Me - i might be still single when I'm 40

Me - u'll never know
She - Haha...back up?!?

Me - by the time you 30 still young lah
Me - give you 10 more years to explore

She - YOUNG?!
She - No lor...

Me - 30 is still very young lah.
Me - trust me there's still a lot of time for you to pick and choose

Me - so how? 40? on? or 35?
She - 40 lor...since you say so

Me - ok. ON! dont forget ah! now i got backup liao
Me - hahahah

She - .....
She - I feel so 'used'

Me - hahahah
Me - unless you dont want me to be your backup, u can back out

She - If I had to choose, you're more of an option than a backup
Me - awwwww.... so sweet!

Me - dont worry lah. I believe you'll have tons of options to choose from
Me - i wont be surprised next year you pang seh me go marry someone instead

She - Don't say like I supermodel leh...
She - Huh? Next year? I don't think so lor...

She - haven't even pak tor already thinking of marriage
Me - dont speak too soon.... u'll never know

She - really impossible
She - You so tall, dark, handsome, charming, cute and sexy where got girls dont want you?

Ok fine. I made up the last bit myself, but there you have it, I've just gotten myself an insurance policy. Hopefully she doesnt get married before I do (again)!

So, with this ~~ring~~ entry as proof of our undying love, I'll marry thee... in 15 years time. If we are both still single that is.

Who better to be your backup than your own female buddy right? In my opinion, she's perfect to be one. We first got together at the end of 1994 (if memory serves me correct), when she was just 14! Ahhh.... those sweet memories. We suffered a few devastating break ups back then. Dunno whether it's because we're super suay or what, but loads of shit tend to strike us whenever we were together then.

Our first break up in 1995 was due to her mum (DAMM FIERCE!). If I remembered correctly, she got whipped by a belt or something when her mum found out about us. What more, her mum actually called up my mum and told her to get me to stop seeing her daughter! Can you believe that?! HOLY CRAP! Sigh... it was just not meant to be. We were utterly devastated.

After that incident, our relationship went on and off for a couple of years. It's sad really, not to be able to date openly because circumstances back then simply do not permit us to do so. Her mum (DAMM FIERCE!), her studies, my NS, career, her mum (DAMM FIERCE!) and stuffs.

Emails were unheard of 10 years ago, so we kept in touch though snails. Some things will be stuck with us for the rest of our lives huh? Those sneaky Burger King lunches, her super dooper or-bit school uniform, her mum (DAMM FIERCE!), the kisses we shared on those bus rides home, that dark and stormy night (not really) and of course, this poem, which is one of the many she penned down.

She has matured into an incredibly smart and amazing lady now. Hey you, thanks for being my backup ye, and my apologies for using that term. I really have no jack idea what better word to use. Whatever it is please, please please do not get married before I do again! Haha!

In case anybody is wondering wasup with that Street Fighter screenshot, that's because we got to know each other while playing that game way back in 1994. Point to note, ~~She never fails to trash me even until now~~ She get trashed by me every single time. Never jio her for a game of Street Fighter!

Once again, thank you for being my backup, and for being there with me during the worst periods of my life. I sincerely wish that you'll ~~not~~ find the love of your life pretty soon.

Some Sunday Rants

2005-05-22T17:03:00.000+08:00

My nieces have a habit of drinking Coke while having their meals during their stays here over the weekends. I disapprove of such actions. I told them off a few weeks back, giving 101 reasons why it's not right to guzzle down soft drinks while having dinner and stuffs. If they wanna drink Coke, by all means have it after their meals, not while they are having hot soup as well.

I see Coke again today. Here's what transpired while we are having fried "mee tai ba" (some macaroni thing, I think).

Me : I told you all already right? Have your Coke after your meals!

Melissa : But today no soup what.

Me : So? Who says no soup means can drink Coke?

Melissa : You say one mah.

Me : When have I ever said that?!

Melissa : That time loh. I asked you how come when eating McDonalds can drink Coke, you said it's because McDonalds no soup.

Me : ......

I blur.

I am so gonna be the world's lousiest father. If I ever get to be one that is.

**********

Caught 'Revenge Of The Sith' yesterday night (or rather, this morning). 3rd Episode or the last? I dont give a damm really. I'm never a Star Wars fan. Till yesterday, I've always thought Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker himself. And Yoda? I thought he's just a funny looking cartoon character who doesnt serve any real purpose in the whole Star Wars series. An extra, so to speak. When I saw that tiny little green bugger wield that light sabre, I went like HAR?!!! Yoda?! Master of the Jedi? KNN... I can easily drown that tiny green joker with my super soaker.

I very nearly fell asleep. That's how much of a Star Wars fan I am.

The reason why I went to catch the show is because I'm a true blue Singaporean. So many people watch of course I too have to watch what! Got queue, join. Got accident, watch. Got number lagi best, buy 4D. Got tremors, call police. No?

Well to be fair, last night at the movie wasnt THAT unenjoyable. At least I get to munch on my favourite popcorn and drool at...

Natalie Portman! Is she HOT or HOT?!

I've been in love with her ever since the 1994 movie, The Professional.

What's not to like about her? I was 17 with raging hormones at that time mind you.
HOT HOT HOT!!!

**********

To all Manchester United fans around the world, I dont know what to say man. There's only one word I guess.

Aaawwwwww...... Haha!

I'm no Arsenal Fan by the way.

**********

Credits to :
http://www.gv.com.sg/
http://www.natalieportman.com/
http://www.art.com/
http://www.indianchild.com/
for all images.

Pass the Musical Baton! Updated Updated Again!

2005-05-19T11:04:00.000+08:00

Kena arrow-ed by the lovely Joel to pass on the Musical Baton. So here goes!

Total volume of music files on my computer :
494 MB - 99 Songs. That's pathetic, I know.

The last CD I bought was :
Café del Mar Classic II

Song playing right now :
U2 - With Or Without You

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me :
1. Bob Carlisle - Butterfly Kisses (Played when she was given to me that evening)
2. Warren Hill - Our First Dance (Located under my Jazz Radio Blog)
3. Westlife - Mandy
4. Simply Red - Stars
5. U2 - With Or Without You.

*Edit* Link to song No. 1 no longer works. Go download it if you can. It's a beautiful song.

Five people to whom I’m passing the baton :
Huiting
BiaTch
Vamptress
Stoned.Nerd
Suspiciousbastard

Sorry you guys have to kenna arrow-ed. Heh.

Updated - Same day @ 12:22 PM

Hey! I kenna arrow-ed again, this time by Raine. That means what? I get to shoot another 5 arrows? No? Haha!

Ah what the hell, here goes.

1. Ian Tan
2. Phoenixx
3. Barata Chucha
4. Slly Fsh
5. Ka Chuaz

Pass it on!

Updated Friday, May 20, 2005 @ 8:11 AM

I'm shooting 5 more arrows, this time no thanks to Slly Fsh.

For the fun of it, the arrows will now land on famous people! I'll be dammed if they respond. Haha!

1. Tony Pierce (My Idol!)
2. Xiaxue (I'll chop off my banana if she respond)
3. Sarong Party Girl (HOT HOT HOT!)
4. Fiona Xie (Sexiest Woman Alive!)
5. Timothy Goh (Our very own CNA presenter!)

I must really buy 4D if anyone of them decided to respond. Heh.

Too Fast Too Furious

2005-05-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

Finally I'm back doing what I love most, blogging using this account that is. 24 hours a day is simply not good enough for me. I wish I could be granted double the amount of time in a single day. The last 7 days of my life passed by in such a blur that I couldnt remember jack from shit. Drinking, clubbing, reading tons of blogs everyday, writing emails and stuffs, blogging using another account, have finally taken its toll on me. Not to mention all these funny thoughts rummaging through my head lately. My work suffered. I couldnt concentrate. Ah fuck.

Do people get burnt out by this blogging business? Is there such a thing? I mean, I seriously believe I'm suffering from this 'illness'. However freaking shack that I am from the day's events, I make it a point to read through all 70 over blogs that I'm currently tracking using Bloglines. As much as I would love to leave some constructive comments, I would be so beat at the end of everything that I would just collapse without doing so. So to all bloggers whose blogs appear on my sidebar, rest assured that your writings are constantly being read when updated, and I truly enjoy reading your entries. Keep blogging!

So anyway, the title Too Fast Too Furious is a term I'm using to describe everybody over at the Cowboy Bar. Finally subscribed myself to the discussion group few days ago. What's fantastic about this service is that tons of people in the group can participate in various topics effectively using their Gmail accounts without going to the bar itself. Replies are instantly delivered to the Gmail accounts and during peak hours it's like pure pandemonium!

The flurries of messages exchanged are so freaking overwhelming that I can never seem to keep up. It's pure madness during peak hours, so much so that I get all giddy by the sight of all the messages in my mailbox. One of the reasons why my work suffered is because I'm having such a hard time concentrating at the prices on my screen. Haha! How can I concentrate when I keep hearing this every one or two minutes??? Knn, even when I go to bed at night, Dr Evil keeps appearing in my head telling me I've got freaking mail. Nabeh.

I can never comprehend how the hell those regulars over at the bar managed to keep up with all those hustle and bustle during peak hours while they are working. I suspect most of them possess a PhD in Multi-Tasking majoring in Lightning Fast Response or something.

Crap aside, the people over at the bar are great fun. One of them has gotta be Miss Porn Queen (name withheld to protect the guilty). If anybody needs a URL to the gross-est porn ever to grace the planet, eg - giant octopus stuffed up a vagina, she would definitely be the one to go after. I would not be at all surprised if she has a secret vault hidden behind her closet just to store the gazillions of porno bookmarks. Haha!

Well that's it for now. I shall go stalk some blogs now and maybe leave a comment or two. I need to sleep early in order to appear fresh tomorrow cause I've got myself a DATE!

Oh yeah. I'm seriously in search of a diving buddy. This might seem a long shot but anybody out there who's looking for one as well please drop me an email or something. Males or females. I dont really care. Let's go learn how to dive!

I Am Now Officially a Firefox-er

2005-05-15T17:50:00.000+08:00

Since the Firefox browser is highly recommended and worshipped by people all over the planet, I finally got it installed yesterday. Yeah I know, I'm living in the Stone Age. Better late than never what. So now after some tweaking of the template to suit the Firefox browser, my blog layout is permanently screwed for those using Internet Explorer. Heh.

"Firefox empowers you to browse faster, more safely and more efficiently than with any other browser."

I have yet to fully experience the full capabilities of Firefox. But only just 2 days into the new browser, I must say that I'm incredibly impressed with the superb ease of use. For now, the feature I love the most has gotta be the Tabs function. IE users like me who always open up and run at least 10 different web pages for surfing will definitely adore the Tabs feature that Firefox offers. What it does is that instead of cluttering up your taskbar with 10 different windows, web pages in Firefox can be loaded in "Tabs" within the same browser window, making it easy to switch back and forth among multiple web pages.

Well, that's not all. There are still so many features to be explored further! What can I say. I'm impressed!

"Better than Internet Explorer by leaps and bounds." - Forbes

Take it from me, make the switch today! You will not regret it.

Now to a totally unrelated crap.

I've been juggling between 2 blogs recently ever since I set up another blog under a pseudonym. A lot of stuffs have been happening lately which I guess would be best kept under lock and key. It's kinda sad for me not to be able to write freely here, but I guess I should be glad there's another outlet for my deepest thoughts which would otherwise be inappropriate to be shared here.

Anyway...

I've finally uploaded all the pictures taken in Bali during March last year. The trip was totally awesome! The famous Kuta Beach... God! Do stay in the Hard Rock Hotel if you are there. That hotel is simply outstanding! There's a bug with Flickr currently which does not allow organizing of photos into a set, so you can view the whole photostream here. Lots of pictures are marked private though.

*Edit* The set is now available here.

Am still waiting to receive some pictures taken in Happy Bar on Thursday. If I can remember correctly, there are one or two really raunchy pictures taken. Cant blame me. Dont expect me to be sober after a few beers. Haha! So watch this space.

So, I've met up with some fellow bloggers (8 I think) for the whole of this week. It's somewhat nice to be able to finally plaster a face onto all those words. But is meeting up with fellow bloggers really a good or bad thing to do? That's a question someone asked me recently. I'm really clueless. Let me figure it out first.

Feeling Super Stoned...

2005-05-12T10:19:00.000+08:00

I am so freaking zombified right now. Had one sip too many of Tiger Beer last night, and I've lost count of how many cancer sticks I consumed in the last 24 hours. 30 or 40? Doesnt matter much. Now I'm suffering from a freaking headache, my chest feels funny, and I'm so freaking hungry I could eat a whole cow. Fact that I knocked out after 4 am this morning and woke up 3 hours later didnt help much either.

I feel so old.

Had a wonderful time last night though. For the second time this month, I met up with some fellow bloggers. The feeling is kinda funny, or weird as some might say, to actually get to know the real persona behind all those crap he or she has been sprouting all along. Haha.

Anyway, it was good company. Maybe that's because the guys I've met last night are somewhat in the trading business as well, that's why we have more crap to talk about. One of them, "Lao Chek", can sure sing like Jay Chou! If there's a Singapore 'Lao' Idol, I believe he sure can make it. Heh.

If anyone wishes to purchase digital cameras, or other photography related paraphernalia, one person you can go to is definitely vamptress. She is a photographer herself and I must say she is not bad at all!

Here are some shots she took of me using a flash from BiaTch's lousy Samsung and my trusty Nokia one Mega Pixel camera phone. Heh.

Spooky...

Well according to her, this is the most-est flattering angle. Other than this angle, I'll look like shit. Haha. I was trying so freaking hard not to laugh or smile as instructed, as she pointed out that it'll turn out better with the 'cool' look. That sure was one helluva tough thing to do. Haha!

Another really interesting character I met last night was probably David. My mind's not working right now so I'll most likely talk about him in another entry, or not. Should be heading down to Happy Bar with the guys again tonight. It's a gay pub by the way. That should explain why David is 'interesting'. Tonight should be fun I believe.

Man I need to recharge.

God I Miss My 'Friends' So Much

2005-05-11T00:48:00.000+08:00

These friends that is.

Undeniably, this is the best hit comedy ever produced in my lifetime. I seriously doubt there'll be anything even bigger than that. 10 years of Friends mind you. Ten freaking years. I still cant quite believe it ended just like that. Crap. I hate the phrase, 'All Good Things Must Come To An End'. I hate it because it sounds so God damm right. The fella who first came out with that phrase needs to be shot point blank.

I've been watching the entire series on DVDs over and over and over again, and I can never seem to get tired of them. A show about six close-knit young friends living in New York City. A show that teaches us all kinds of stuffs relating to relationships, love, sex, careers, security, commitment and what have we. Most importantly, it's about this wonderful and mysterious thing we call Friendship. For your friends are indeed your families.

Chandler Bing. A character who is never at a loss for words and one who possess the sort of humour and razor sharp wit that most men would gladly die for, me included. The show will definitely not be the same without his hilarious antics and good-humored sarcasms.

Monica Geller-Bing. Who can ever forget about her obsession for neatness and order in her life. Who can ever forget how she always cry out, "I KNOW!" Who can ever forget those episodes where she had to put on a fat suit. How bout the one where she shook her boobies with her head stuck inside a turkey?

Ross Geller. Everybody simply adores the geekiness in his character. A man who's obsessed with perfect pronunciations with his every word. One of my favourite episodes has gotta be the one with him in the 'Holiday Armadillo' outfit. Haha! It never fails to crack me up everytime I watch it.

Rachel Greene. Used to be my favourite until she got married to Brad Pitt (that lucky bastard), simply because she's incredibly beautiful and sexy. As much as I hate to, I have to admit that I'm always looking forward to scenes where she didnt wear a bra. Haha. Hey I'm a bloke, what do ya expect?!

Joey Tribbiani. The 100% complete doofus. A highly un-intelligent character who's obessed with pizzas, sandwiches and what else, chicks! I've been trying to perfect his "Hey, how you doin?" for the last dunno how many years. I've yet to try it on any ladies though. Wish me luck!

Phoebe Buffay. Without a question, my favourite character. I absolutely adore her. Who can ever, ever forget about smelly cat? Nuff said.

God I miss all of them.

I shall leave it with one of my favourite songs by, who else but the weirdest one?

A Not So Happy Post

2005-05-10T15:58:00.000+08:00

I'm drowning in a million thoughts right now. Painful memories have been suffocating me ever since I spoke to my good friend Z on the phone earlier.

I cant remember exactly when was the last time thoughts of her left me struggling for air. Quite some time back for sure. After not having seen her ever since she got retrenched last year, after exchanging the last sms-es regarding the separation papers couple of months back, she finally re-surface in my thoughts again. She finally found a new job, this time as an admin in Z's work place. What a freaking small world.

I asked Z to find out whether or not she's still with that bastard. According to him, they are still together alright, and she has put on a fair bit of weight. Good for her I guess. At least she's happy and eating well in life. I'm really glad things are still rosy and going well between them but to be honest, a tiny part of me is just dying to see them split up, so she can experience the kinda devastation I went through. That's a tad cruel I know. Sorry lah, couldnt help it. Oh well, to be fair, maybe they are just meant for each other. I sincerely wish them a lifetime of happiness.

I wonder how's mum and dad. I wonder how's koko doing.

That jack rascal terror!

We kenna! We kenna! We kenna!!!

2005-05-09T22:46:00.000+08:00

Kenna makan that is. Got tio lah, but tio chia only. We are not even close! This is what I call 'pi bo yen' aka smell no smoke. A 3 + 1 prize also dont have. Haha!

Results :

We bought 7 10 18 22 33 38 and 42. Go figure. But no worries people. As long as you keep on buying, there's always a 50% chance of kena-ing. That's what Mark Lee said in the Jack Neo movie, 'The Best Bet'. Either you tio or bo tio, that's 50-50 what. Dreams do come true, so let's all keep on dreaming. I've been dreaming of striking TOTO for the last 8 years. What's another 50 or so years? Haha!

To all who took part, namely suspiciousbastard, Raine, barata-chucha, phoenixx, jace, dawn (who's the only one who got the right number) and slly fsh, THANK YOU! We'll do better for next year's 10 million bucks Hong Pao Draw.

Now I'm $3.50 poorer. Nabeh.

It's ok though. I didnt kenna 4D but,

I kenna tomorrow-ed! Again!

What a day to kenna tomorrow-ed! For those not in the know, Tomorrow.sg got featured in The Straits Times today.

That image is stolen from mrbrown. Click for a bigger picture if you dont have perfect eyesight like me. He's got all the details here.

Anyway, my Site Meter has been jumping like mad! That day when I got cowboy-ed, I received around 200 or so hits. Earlier, I got a shock when I check on my Site Meter statistics. The previous record of 200 hits have been shattered to achieve a brand new record of 360 hits! And it's still climbing! I shall be known as 'The Two Hits Wonder' from now. Haha!

Thanks to jseng! At least something eventful to light up my otherwise screwed-up-never-kenna-TOTO-day.

Tonight's Winning TOTO Ticket

2005-05-09T11:04:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the winning $2.8 million TOTO ticket for tonight's draw.

The numbers should be correct right?

All of us are about to become seriously rich individuals. Who says you cant get rich through blogging? Haha! You leaving that number in my previous entry could well be the smartest thing ever done in your entire life! In the meantime, hold on to your horses! And yeah, do suggest a place for this Wednesday's meet up. And think about whether you guys want to be paid in cash or cheque. Haha!

Monday's TOTO prize money stands at $2.8 million! Updated!

2005-05-08T00:48:00.000+08:00

Check this out.

TWO POINT EIGHT FREAKING MILLION BUCKS! Must buy! Haha! Sure, the chances of striking TOTO is as slim as me ever snagging a date with Fiona Xie or Denise Keller but, provided that our TOTO draws are not kelong-ed by Singapore Pools, someone's gonna win it. And it could well be me! As one would always say, "got buy got chan, no buy no chan". True what!

I've been dreaming non-stop ever since I started buying TOTO from the age of 20. I keep thinking that if my numbers were really drawn, how would I react? Jump up and down and scream, "I TIO TOTO, I TIO TOTO, I TIO TOTO!!!!!!" like a siao char bor, or simply just act cool and keep quiet, pretending it's just a few dollars but deep down erupting with multiple orgasms? The answer will only be known if I ever strike the top prize of course.

Everybody fantasizes about what they would do with the money if they ever touch the top prize, and I'm no exception. There's a ton of stuffs that I wanna do! I'm super beat now so I'll probably list down everything in another entry.

Ok I need help. Will any kind souls out there suggest one random number for me? Just suggest a number ranging from 1 to 45 will do. I'll collect 7 or 8 of those numbers before I stake my bet. If those numbers kenna the $2.8 million, I'll be sure to buy each and everyone of you guys a coke. Haha!

No serious, we'll split everything! Promise! So give me a number pretty preeze!

UPDATED on Sunday, May 08, 2005 at 10:42 PM

Great! Now we have 7 numbers. And they are :

7, 10, 18, 22, 33, 38 and 42

No more contributions will be accepted. Haha. A BIG thank you to those who contributed. Ladies and Gentlemen, do give yourselves a pat on the back because we are all about to be 0.35 million bucks richer come Monday night! The figure should be correct right? Seven contributed numbers, I contribute $3.50 to buy, so $2.8 million divided by 8 is 0.35 million bucks each. Haha!

To the anonymous one who contributed the number 38, kindly leave down your name, contact and I/C number first. Wait scarly really kenna, I wont know who to give the share to. I'll expect at least 500 emails claiming that he/she came out with that number. Haha!

Hhmmm... Let me see. You guys do make yourselves free on Wednesday. I'll go claim the 2.8 million bucks cheque from Singapore Pools on Tuesday and deposit it into my bank account. It'll probably clear on Wednesday. So we can all meet up on Wednesday, drink coke, and split the dough!

Watch this space!

Making Out In a Car Gives You a More "Mind Blowing" Orgasm?

2005-05-07T00:51:00.000+08:00

Shheeesshh! I dont know about that though, cause I've never tried it before. Haha.

A slight digression please. Went for a run with Eddy (real name withheld to protect the guilty) at East Coast Park earlier. I have to start training my ass off because my Individual Physical Proficiency Test (IPPT) is due soon. Judgement day is the 31st this month. I managed to achieve the Silver Award last year after failing the test for 5 consecutive years after ORD. For this year's test, I've made up my mind to maintain the same standard as last year. That's 200 bucks in the pocket if I get a Silver!

Well, as much as I would love to get the Gold Award and squeeze our Government for 400 bucks, I can never do it. Not even during my active days in National Service, where I'm supposedly the fittest in my whole life. My 2.4km run sucks big time. The best time I've achieved back then in army was slightly below 11 mins. The worst? 20 mins. That was way back in year 2000 I think. I was so freaking fat then, climbing a flight of stairs is equivalent to that of running a marathon. It's that bad.

At least it's better now, but I can never do below 10 mins. The reason I believe, is due to the ridiculously high level of nicotine in my lungs. Why the hell did I pick up this disgusting habit, I can never know. Oh yeah, I said I wanted to quit the last time? I managed to cut down 10 sticks on the first day. 10 sticks! Not bad huh? Balls. I cut down 5 sticks on the second day. For the third day till now, it's back to square one all over again. KNN.

Now back to the crux of this entry. Be warned, following is rated M18.

As I was saying, Eddy and myself went running at East Coast Park earlier. After the run, we went back to the car to freshen up. Now this carpark that we were at in East Coast is considered quite ulu (isolated), with no lights and all. It's like total darkness so to speak. As I was freshening up, I saw this couple making out inside a car next to us in broad daylight, or rather, broad moonlight. Well I wasnt the least bit surprised actually, considering this is not the first time I've been witness to such 'free shows'. What bothered me was that why cant this couple GET A FREAKING ROOM?! Is that so difficult? Bugger can afford a $70,000 car but not 40 bucks for 2 hours in Hotel 81?! Wah piang!

Due to my short term memory, I cant recall exactly what was exchanged between Eddy and me, but it goes roughly along the line of :

Me : Sio pu inside a car song meh? (Screw inside a car satisfying issit?)

Eddy : Hua lan eh! Wait till you try it man!

Me : Where got song? The whole bloody place is like so bloody cramp! Cannot move here cannot move there how to sio pu? It's like, your partner will be in the passenger seat, you'll be on top of her and you guys cant even maneuver because you two will be stuck in the seat!

Eddy : You dont have to move. You just gyrate with your hips.

I was like, ??!!!

Me : But still, it's gonna be so awkward because your maneuverability is limited. There's only one stunt you can do, and that's the traditional stunt. How like that?

Eddy : Who says there's only one stunt? The possibilities are endless. There's still the back seat you know?

Me : But how?!

Eddy proceeded to push in the 2 front seats and true to hell, a king size bed would be able to fit in the back. I wont even go on about how he describes the possible stunts that can be administered in the back seat cause it might be too graphic for some. For someone who doesnt own a car, I must say I'm somewhat amazed. Haha.

Anyway, Eddy was telling me about how exhilarating it can be making out in a car. He mentioned that making out in a car certainly gives a more mind blowing orgasm than anywhere else. His exact words were,

"In the car ah, aye chut mai chut that time si beh song!"

Loosely translated means, "In the car, want to come dont want to come that time damm power!"

Man, I really dont know about that. I still stick by my belief that one should always get a freaking room!

This Mother's Day, Please Tell My Mama I Love Her

2005-05-04T23:23:00.000+08:00

I could never do that myself. As much as I would love to, I just couldnt bring myself to say those 3 words to her. Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl. No, my heart is not made of steel, it's just that our family were never brought up to be the lovey dovey sort.

If I can recall correctly, the last time I wished her a Happy Mother's Day was probably during my Primary School Days. Primary 3 or 4 I think. There was once in arts class where all of us had to make a flower of sorts to present it to our mums for Mother's Day. Yeah, that was the last time I wished her a Happy Mother's Day I believe. I can still remember the smile on her face when I gave her that flower. I didnt feel awkward then because well, I was still a small boy.

After that, I slowly disengage from her. I was pretty mean actually. Back then, it's considered way uncool among my peers to hang around with our mothers too much. When we were walking together, be it on the way home from school or whatever, I would always walk a few steps ahead of her. When she's talking to me, I would always act cool and give answers in a nonchalant manner. Being the youngest of her 4 children, I am the one she loves the most. She's always like sayang here and sayang there, and I hated it. I dont know why. Maybe I just dont wanna be embarrassed and teased by my friends about being a mama's boy. I was so mean to her then that I would always scream and shout at her for no apparent reasons. I would always regret my actions deeply and feel freaking awful after that, but it's always too late. I wished I had the courage to say I'm sorry for screaming at her, but for reasons that I can never seem to comprehend, I cant. I was a bad boy so to speak.

It's only in recent years that I started respecting and warming up to her again. I dont see myself raising my voice at her anymore, and I dont intend to do so for the rest of my life. She is one helluva a great mother. When I was 18, I took a motorbike license without her knowledge. After I passed, I dropped the bombshell and told her I'm buying a bike. She cried her heart out and pleaded with me not to do so. I didnt get the bike in the end, and in the process didnt speak to her for weeks because my childhood dream of riding a scrambler was dashed. I understand why she did that later on in my life. If not for her tears and constant pleading, I might not be alive and typing this right now. When I told her I'm getting married, she wept tears of joy. When I told her the marriage was over, she cried, along with me. That's how much she loves me.

I cant say this to your face mum, but I want you to know that you are the greatest, and that I love you dearly. There's no doubt I'm the luckiest man alive to have you showering me with all the love a mother can lavish upon a child.

Happy Mother's Day.

Anonymity? Hell ya.

2005-05-03T23:58:00.000+08:00

It sucks really. Although this is suppose to be MY blog, I cant simply write down whatever that comes to my mind, or whatever that's been bugging me for the last few days or even weeks. With my name and pictures splashed across this blog, there's a thin line separating what can or cannot be written.

I cannot bitch about some people in my life and talk about how I hated them. I cannot write about the crush I'm having for someone because she reads my blog. I cannot write about my previous girlfriend and/or talk about how I miss those good times and/or how I wish that someday we could give it another try. I cannot write about how incredibly beautiful, sexy, or not-so-sexy some other bloggers are. I cannot blog about my deepest and darkest secrets. No, I'm not gay. All of us have got some form of skeletons in the closet, and I cant write about it. In short, I can never be 100% honest in this blog. And it sucks real big time. What good is a blog when you cant write down whatever that comes to your mind? I've had enough I guess.

I've just created another blogger account under a pseudonym. No pictures no nothing. It'll be just another voice out of the millions in cyberspace not wanting to be heard. I dont think anyone will ever know it's me.

No, I'm not giving up on this blog. I will never do that. Oh what the hell. Maybe the new blog wont even last a month. Whatever it is, at least there's a place that I can write with no bars holding me back.

Before someone thinks that I've not been 100% frank in this blog and whatever that had been written here are just bull crap, rest assure it's not. What had been and will be written are all 100% me. I need another outlet that's all.

The 2 irritants!

2005-05-02T11:40:00.000+08:00

Wah piang. Here I am, trying to work and the 2 brats keep disturbing me. Asking me to choose which drawing nicer lah, play 'musical statue' lah, a game where I play a song from Windows Media Player and they will 'freeze' and 'resume' whenever I pause and un-pause.

Irritating!

But still, I'm too bored because the market is damm quiet. So I took some pictures.

Drawing by Melissa.

Drawing by Glenis.

Here's them posing in front of my PC.

Here's them fooling around my bed!

Happy Labour's Day!

2005-05-02T09:09:00.000+08:00

Well, not that happy for me though. It sucks big time to be working right now when everyone else is enjoying their public holiday. What more, it's a Monday, a God forsaken day some might say. Arrrghhhhh!!!

On a brighter note, I'm heading down to Sentosa later this afternoon! I hope the weather dont fail me today. It has been so freaking hot the last few days I nearly died of heat exhaustion by just staying indoors. So today is the only day this week that I pray it'll be as hot as possible!

Dear tee gong, please dont rain on me. Please dont rain on me. Please dont rain on me. Please dont rain on me. Please dont rain on me. Please dont rain on me. Please dont rain one me.

Well, it's looking good currently. Only 8.30 am and the sun is shinning strong. The sun, the sand, the sea, and lotsa B-A-B-E-S!!! Today is gonna be a wonderful day!

Hhmmm... maybe I'll try to upload some pictures via Flickr 'Live' from sentosa later.

Head Chef For The Night

2005-04-29T20:57:00.000+08:00

My poor mama is not feeling too good today no thanks to the outrageously hot and humid weather these few days. Therefore, I took the liberty of whipping up dinner tonight for her and my 2 nieces who are staying over for the weekend.

I have to admit I suck real big time at cooking. No, hang on a second. My fried rice is truly exceptional and worth dying for. No joke! I call it the 'Fried Rice Special a la Jordan'. Haha. Serious, I've spent the last 10 years perfecting my secret fried rice recipe. Fried rice with luncheon meat (favourite!), Fried rice with salted fish (favourite!), Fried rice with shrimps, Fried rice with sambal, you name it. It's so jolly GOOD that I have to give myself a pat on the back every time I cook it. Heh. Other than that, the only decent stuff I can whip up to perfection is Maggie Mee I guess. The 'Maggie Mee Special a la Jordan'. Not easy ok?

Well, I've always enjoyed cooking ever since young. When I was a little boy in Primary School, I would always without fail be inside the kitchen with mum whenever she's cooking for the family. I would watch intently every time, and sometimes she'll allow me to stir fry in her place. She'd go like, "Na, let you fry", and I'll grin from ear to ear because I simply LOVE to fry stuffs. Haha. That was really fun! I remember I had to stand on a stool especially for that because I was too short. She'll put in stuffs into the wok and let me use the stir-fry-thingy (dont know what to call that) and I'll fry and fry and fry like nobody's business. It was such a joy doing it, something like playing ma-sak ma-sak (toy-toy). Haha.

It has always been a great joy for me to cook, especially for that special someone. Seeing the look on her face when she takes the first bite, is truly priceless. All the hard work and sweat put into preparing the meal are instantly forgotten. The feeling you get is somewhat indescribable dont we all think? Alas... sigh. Well, something can never be forgotten. Those bloody dishes! KNN... I absolutely HATE to clean up after every cooking session. Haha.

Anyways, I prepared noodle soup for them earlier. Nothing too difficult and fancy because I cant handle it. Heh. I couldnt help it and took a few pictures.

Presenting, the 'Yellow Mee Soup Special a la Jordan'. There's pork, pacific clams, mushrooms, anchovies, vegetables and of course, yellow mee.

Here's Melissa. This bugger told me all the ingredients not nice, only the soup and noodles nice, so next time just put noodles can already. Brat!

Here's Renice. Slurp!

The verdict from everyone?

好吃！！！ (Jolly good!!!)

It's so good that I myself also buay tahan (cannot stand). Haha!

Eye For A Guy 2

2005-04-27T23:52:00.000+08:00

Well, I did not catch the first season. Yeah I know it's Rachel Lee and she's got those HUGE brrrrr.... eyes, I'm not a particularly big fan (no pun) though. See? Not all guys dig HUGE breasts. Opps. I meant eyes. Sorry.

Why I'm probably gonna watch the entire season 2, is for one reason only. Presenting, super babe Denise Keller!

MAN! IS SHE HOT OR WHAT?!!!

Anyway, I was having a good laugh watching all the guys trying to get into her good books. Some were wow! Some were duh! Some were really super duh! I really admire their guts though. If it were me, I'll probably faint after saying hello. Now presenting, the super duh guy!

Meet James Tan. Picture blurred to enhance the 'duh' factor.

After the first episode last week, I told myself I'll chop if he didnt get eliminated this week. He is so pathetic like me. Haha. Hearing him speak makes me cringe so badly I wanted to give him a tight slap. Here's one of the classics :

James : How about you give me a kiss? (poor guy must be a virgin trying his luck)

Denise : Errr... (stunned like, har?!)

James : Ok time's up. (walked away without looking back)

Denise didnt know whether to laugh or cry after that incident. She's like, DUH?!

Poor thing got eliminated today. I pity him actually. I perfectly understand how it feels like to get intimidated by someone of the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, I'll probably do even worse If I were in his shoes. I always wonder why I'm not born with the gift of gab. Imagine all the ladies dying in my hands. Waahaaa! Yeah, dream on.

Now on to a totally unrelated crap.

This Radio Blog thing, I'm obsessed! Now there's a Jazz collection, on top of Cafe del Mar that I've added yesterday. I cant possibly upload every track that I love so I've only included 15 or so tracks that can be considered my all time favourites. A few of those numbers evoke the most beautiful memories from Bali, especially the last track by Warren Hill. So check it out. It's really super chill.

Regarding the free Flickr Pro account to be given away, it seems that our winner, Anonymous Crapper doesnt want it. So anybody who wants it please leave a comment here for him/her. He or she will decide. Debbie, or anyone else, ask him/her. :)

Contest Over!

2005-04-27T12:07:00.000+08:00

The answer as to why the 2 guppies exist in the said pot...... is for Prevention of Mosquitoes Breeding.

No thanks to Anonymous Crapper, he got it correct. Wah piang, this kinnda asking-for-a-beating question, aka 欠扁问答题 also got people answer correctly. What a spoiler. I'm still thinking of giving out more clues. Haha.

To everyone who took part, I would like to say a big thank you. I appreciate your efforts in making me laugh. Haha.

No seriously. Thank you. :)

Now before you get offended, allow me to explain why the answer is Prevention of Mosquitoes Breeding. Back to the clues I've given.

"Clue 1 : There are 4 words which best describe what it signifies." Correct mah. Prevention-of-Mosquitoes-Breeding, 4 words what.

"Clue 2 : Why only 2 guppies? Not 1,3,5,7,9 or even 101?" If there's only 1 guppy, all the mosquito larvae will eat that poor guppy alive. If there's 3 or more, there wont be enough food to distribute evenly among the guppies. They'll end up eating each other instead. No good.

"Clue 3 : Remember, my mama a bit weird one." Weird mah. Not meh? She could have dropped in some solution of sorts to make the water inhospitable for breeding, but guppies?!

There you have it. This will go into the books for being the ultimate asking-for-a-beating question, aka 欠扁问答题. Haha!

Dont be offended hor.

Anonymous Crapper : Let me know where to send the invite to. You spoiler!

My dear old pun-tang* mama

2005-04-26T23:03:00.000+08:00

pun-tang*- one who is superstitious

I've always knew that my mum is super pun-tang ever since I'm man enough to watch porno videos with my friends (9 years old I think). Back then in the old Tampines flat, she'll adorn the whole house with funny-funny looking things that to her, signifies something. I remember there's this painting of a tiger that she hung up facing the main door. When I asked her what that painting meant, she said the fengshui master told her to do it, and that the tiger must face the East side, so that it'll bring her fortune. Can you believe that?!

Well, believe it. Because within a month after she put up that painting, she struck first prize in 4D.

Before I moved into this Punggol flat with my mum, I told her specifically, no funny-funny looking things in my new place please. I honestly am not a big fan of paintings depicting tigers facing whatever direction the fengshui master instructed. She agreed.

Well, knowing my mum, I never believed her. I knew her patterns will come out sooner or later. Who better to understand a mother than her own son right? Roughly 6 months after we've moved in, the patterns are finally emerging. Although the stuffs that she put up doesnt really go with the design of the flat, I dont blame her actually. For one, she did it out of concern for me. She said that since I'm so called "gambling" for a living, the stuffs that she put up bodes well for the level of my "luck". Haha. Well, as long as the tiger stays in Tampines, I have no qualms really. Here are some of the funny-funny looking things in my house.

A bunch of garlic.
What it signifies : Garlic in mandarin means "count". So according to her, those living in the house can count a lot of money.

Two stones and a tiny pot of plant.
What it signifies : Those 2 items are placed facing the South-East direction at the door. According to her, the stones will sorta act like a paper weight to weigh down whatever fortune that comes through our door so that it wont "float" away. The pot of plant is for good luck.

Another tiny pot of plant.
What it signifies : This pot is placed facing the East direction, so that it'll bring good luck.

A money plant.
What it signifies : So that got money lah! This is not the dry type where you put soil in it. According to mum, she replaced it with water instead because apparently, my "fire element" is too strong. The water will serve to act as an extinguisher of sorts.

Things are not always what it seem. Take a look at what's inside the water.

Two guppies. Can see? Click for a bigger picture. You've gotta hand it to my mum. This one tops even the tiger painting. The 2 guppies signify something. What does it signify?

I would like to call upon anyone who happens to be reading this to take shot at guessing what that signifies. If you are a guy who guessed correctly, I'll give you the URL to the BEST FREE PORN in cyberspace. If you are a girl, I'll give you the chance to buy me coffee, dinner and maybe a movie or two. Heh.

No seriously, I have a FREE Flickr Pro account to give away. That's 2 years of free photo hosting worth USD 47.99 on the best photo hosting site in the world!

I have no idea what the response will be, or whether there'll be a response at all, so anybody who's the first to give the correct answer will get the invite. So go ahead, take a shot. Answers will be revealed in 48 hrs. If the correct answer is given, game ends.

Clue 1 : There are 4 words which best describe what it signifies.
Clue 2 : Why only 2 guppies? Not 1,3,5,7,9 or even 101?
Clue 3 : Remember, my mama a bit weird one.

Finally. Phew! Updated

2005-04-25T22:45:00.000+08:00

Finally, after 24 hours of flipping through all the tutorials available, after 24 hours of looking for a free host that allows me to store music without those bloody idiotic terms and conditions, after 24 hours of trial and error, after 24 hours of tweaking here and there, it's finally here.

Yeah yeah. I know I'm dumb. What do you expect? I'm IT zero what!

My Radio Blog! Waaahaaa! The only reason why I got it is because it looks damm cool. Haha. I've randomly uploaded a few songs that I like. I hear a lot of complains that many people hate having to deal with music while reading blogs, so I didnt set it to auto play at the sidebar. Not that I care though, because I LOVE IT!

Oh yeah. I'll try to quit smoking. Again. I'm serious this time.

*Update* 26 April 2005 1:10 pm

Specially requested by my brudder, my number one KTV song has been added, together with "Sunrise" by Simply Red.

This post is so short I wonder why I even bothered

2005-04-21T00:29:00.000+08:00

The biggest challenge now is to learn how to put up a freaking Radio Blog on my sidebar. Damm, not as easy as it seems. But it sure looks gorgeous.

Just a simple thought

2005-04-20T14:54:00.000+08:00

I'm no Christian. Being an atheist, I absolutely hate to be evangelized upon by overzealous believers. The very least I can do, is to show that little bit of respect to a 2,000 year old belief, which is what I've been doing all my life.

It pains me really, to see a local blogger, who commands a daily readership of astronomical proportions (over 8,000 visits a day), using her immensely popular blog as a platform to scoff at and slam the Christianity faith.

What pains me even more, is to see a bunch of sheeps joining her in what I can only perceive as a relentless and cruel attack on the Christianity faith.

Singapore's Most Popular Blogger I believe. Winner of Asian Best Blog 2004 or something like that. What a shame. A joke. No wait, what a fucking joke.

Freaking funny Malaysian Blogger

2005-04-20T12:56:00.000+08:00

Well apparently, the little "punishment I'd imposed on myself didnt work too well.

I was checking out the blog belonging to one of Malaysia's top blogger when his latest post on Malaysia Airlines Unveils New Uniforms got me laughing out loud at the monitor. My mama thought I'm mad.

Excerpt from his latest post :

"Now if you think about it, the Baju Kebaya isn't really that low-cut anyway. At least the collar is still quite tight, so when the stewardess bend over no "juicy details" is revealed.

I mean, lets compare our air stewardesses that to Singapore. Once I was onboard an SQ flight when the air stewardess bent over to serve me my dinner-on-tray.

Guess what? I thought she was serving me an extra two buns!"

If you think our dear neighbours across the causeway dont possess a sense of humour, you are dead wrong. Check out http://www.kennysia.com/. He's freaking hilarious.

Warning - Super long post. 1619 words.

2005-04-20T12:09:00.000+08:00

Shheessshhh! Lost money. Dang!

Cant blame no one because I wasnt concentrating on my trading. No wait, I CAN blame some people. Now screw all those interesting bloggers! Damm! And screw you too, blogger dot com!

Inspired by my primary school teacher who always get me to write 1,000,000 lines of "I will hand in my homework on time", I've decided to impose on myself a similar punishment.

I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!
I will not blog, read other blogs, leave comments on other blogs, while I'm TRADING!

Damm, why couldnt I just cut and paste too while in primary school.

The biggest irony is of course, writing all these crap while I'm still trading now. KNN. I want to make back my money!

A true story

2005-04-20T01:06:00.000+08:00

Never, I repeat, in CAPS and in BOLD, NEVER NEVER NEVER offend a staff member from any F&B outlets anywhere in the world. Be it waiters, waitresses, managers, manageress, cooks, cook-eress and what have we. In short, be nice to whomever that serves you. Real nice.

I've waited for 2 years full time immediately after my 'O's and spent another 2 waiting part time during NS. From 5 star hotel banquets, where waiters adorn tailor made blazers, to chinese restaurants serving zi char* where we put on cheap fugly batik shirts, I've done it all. Believe me, I've seen everything.

*zi char - direct translation from hokkien means 'cook fry', which is a slang used to define a widely popular chinese cooking method. Another way of interpreting zi char is :

Ah Beng : Eh, want to go eat zi char or not? I heard this ABC restaurant is damm solid!

Ah Seng : On lah!

In the above example, zi char is primarily used to describe a form of chinese cuisine that ABC restaurant offers. Basically, this kinnda chinese restaurant serves all kinds of crap, ranging from Fried Rice to the exotic Double Boiled Dragon Meat with Dolp-fins soup.

(Phew! Nahia, explaining zi char to God-knows-who-will-read-it took up more space than my first 2 paragraphs.)

Note : Whatever written below is absolutely 100% TRUE in it's entirety. Any similarity with regards to either the living or dead is purely NOT coincidental.

There are many many ~~disgusting~~ amazing stories that I'll like to share with whoever that wants to read it. But I'll only write one for now because, it's freaking 12:10 am and I'm freaking tired. Not forgetting I need to re-read this post, do the necessary editing, copy the whole damm post, paste it in Microsoft Word, check spelling, re-read again, edit again, add this, delete that, before I can finally click the "Publish Post" button. And this whole paragraph does not seem to help much either.

I've finally perfected The Art of Digression. 最高境界 liao.

True story Number One. (It's freaking 12:25 am so I'll make it real short.)

This happened in a chinese zi char restaurant. My colleague/buddy Alan (of course the name is fictitious) and I were serving this table of 2 men. One of them, well, is a freaking bastard. Alan named him CBK (what it stands for is too crude to be mentioned, so go figure), so I shall call him that here.

I cant recall exactly what was exchanged between Alan, me and CBK that day, but it goes roughly along the line of :

CBK : I want to see your manager. (speaking in a nonchalant manner)

Alan : I'm sorry. The manager is not around. What is it regarding?

CBK : Why the fuck would I want to talk to you?! Get someone here! (suddenly exploded)

Being the oldest bird there at that point of time, I walked over.

CBK : Are you the fucking manager?

Me : *stunned* No I'm not sir, I'm a senior waiter.

CBK : Your fucking curry fish head is not fresh. It tastes fucking rotten.

Note, the restaurant I'm working for then, was quite famous for their curry fish head, and they always use fresh supplies daily. Customers are always right, no matter how fucking unreasonable they are. So,

Me : I'm so sorry sir. Allow me to change a new one for you.

CBK : You better. How do you expect us to eat this fucking shit?

My blood was fucking boiling at 1,000,000 degrees at that point, but I still managed a smile.

Me : I'm so sorry sir.

I told my buddy what happened, and he nearly wanted to spit in his face.

Well, he did not do that of course, not in his face at least. When the new claypot of fish head is done, Alan worked up a huge glob of phlegm and spat inside the curry, gave it a good stir and presented it to CBK. For good measure, he added that special ingredient to his bowl of rice as well.

The best part, when he's done with the curry fish head,

Me : How's the curry fish head sir?

CBK : Very good. Very good. It's delicious.

There you have it. NEVER offend a waiter. Many more stories but it already one freaking am!

Some rants before I go to bed

2005-04-18T23:50:00.002+08:00

The Nikkei 225 is freaking wild today. The wildest I've witnessed so far on the screen this year (over 300 freaking points range!) I'm glad I did not get caught in that crazy market today. I believe many traders die cock-standing today. My underwear was literally wet at the end of the trading day.

******

Who would wanna pay $100 per day for one day's visit to the casino when you can pay $2,000 for a "membership" to last 1 whole year? Our government is incredibly smart dont you think? They know we Singaporeans are experts at picking out a good bargain. Pay a measly $2,000, get your ass committed for one whole year, and our economy will almost certainly enjoy a double digit growth. A lot more to add but I shall refrain from doing so. I dont want my sorry ass to be dragged away by some buggers from ISD.

******

My mum totally freaked out when she saw my ear stud earlier. Her exact words, loosely translated from hokkien, "Aiyo! Why such a handsome face do until like that? Like sum-seng (hooligan, I think) like that."

Haha. I just love freaking her out like that.

My mama say I handsome leh.

Warning - this post filled with countless expletives

2005-04-18T22:56:00.000+08:00

If you are easily offended by the F word, I urge you not to read this post.

******

"I sincerely urge everyone else to stop preaching/defending/slamming the Christianity faith. Someone just died tragically. This is not the time."

Which part of the above do people not fucking comprehend? The whole fucking paragraph, apparently. Either they are fucking morons or they are born to be insensitive fucking bastards.

Religion. It's always about religion.

I'm no Christian, and I'm definitely not anti-Christians. Matter of fact is, issues relating to the Christianity faith have always been, and will always be a chicken and duck talk between believers and non-believers alike. Why cant both parties just shut the fuck up? To each their own faith. If you have it, I fully respect that. Keep your faith and refrain from preaching your Gospels to every single non-believer you meet on the street. If you dont have it, do everyone a favour and just shut the fuck up. Dont slam a religion you dont belong to. Is it that fucking difficult? Why people are such fucking idiots is totally beyond me.

My apologies for this expletives-filled post. It just pains me to see all those happening really.

The next best thing to Marlboro...

2005-04-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

... is the widely popular magazine For Horny Men, or FHM for short.

I recall a buddy back in army days saying this to me when I passed him the very first copy I bought, "Wah lau eh, this is the perfect wanking material man!" Bad move. I promptly snatch it back as I dont wish to see any of the pages get stuck together. I made him swear on his balls that his dick wont spew out any undesirable substances on my magazine before I relented.

Well, I started buying FHM religiously every month ever since it was launched way back in Singapore in January 1998. I never missed any of the issues, simply because I LOVE reading their articles relating to the world current affairs, the environmental issues, our health and fitness, world peace and etc. Basically, I just want to learn how I can make the world a better place to live in. I thought if I ~~drool~~ read long enough, I can maybe achieve some form of inspiration to develop a vaccine for HIV. Too bad, those inspirations never came. Well at least I tried.

That magazine in my opinion is a godsend to MANkind. No? Why else then, would 10 million men (read 'horny bastards') around the globe pay USD45,000,000 (just a ballpark) annually just to flip through pages upon pages of ~~the world current affairs, the environmental issues, our health and fitness, world peace and etc~~ overly-made-up-bikini-clad-nose-bleeding-huge-nuts-tiny-ass HOT chicks? The answer : (Most) men are horny bastards. Period.

Anyway, I've stopped buying those ~~porn~~ magazines for quite some time. 2 or 3 years back I think. That's because she (ex-wife) simply abhor men who purchase those XXX rated (in her opinion) magazines. Being the wonderfully sweet guy that I am, I gave up one of the few pleasures that I have in life, just for her. Nah I lied. I still buy them once a blue moon lah. So, after many months of abstinence, I finally bought a copy today.

3 reasons why I fork out $6 (nabeh, it used to be $5) for the latest issue.

1) Maia Lee is on the cover!
2) Maia Lee is on the cover!!
3) Maia Lee is on the cover!!!

A picture tells a thousand words. So here,

She is one HOT MAMA! How can any hot-blooded male not have it?!

So anyway, I was flipping through the latest joy in my life when I come across this joke. Not many written jokes can tickle my funny bone. Here's one of them that succeeded in doing so. I shall call it the "Why Women Are Dumb" joke.

Three women and three men are travelling by train. The women each buy a ticket, but the three men buy just one.

"Watch and learn," smiles one of the chaps, knowingly.

They all board the train, the three women take their seats but the men cram into a toilet and lock the door. The ticket inspector arrives and, realising someone is occupying the lavatory, knocks and asks for a ticket. The door quickly opens a small way, and the single arm emerges with a ticket. The inspector examines it, and moves on.

"That's clever", thinks the women, "we'll do the same on the return!"

The girls buy a lone ticket, but this time, the three men dont bother purchasing a ticket at all!

"Watch and learn," smiles one of the men.

They board the train, the three women cram into one toilet and the three men cram into the loo opposite. As the train pulls away, one of the men leaves his hiding place and walks across to the toilet where the women are hiding and says, "ticket please!"

Haha! (Some) women are just so dumb.

Now on to a totally unrelated crap.

Today is a day worth remembering. A historical event took place in my life. After roughly 10 years of contemplating, I finally got my ear pierced today.

What can I say? I am now officially a fagot-de-do-da-deh.

Some statistics and observations for keeps

2005-04-16T11:50:00.000+08:00

Now I know how it feels like to be a star for just one day. To have an unprecedented number of strangers checking out my blog the whole of yesterday is an experience I'll wont quite forget so soon. After all, this blog was never created to target an audience in the very first place.

Now, some statistic to be kept as souvenirs to this incredible experience. It might not seem much to others, but it sure hell is something that I want to relish in many many many years to come. After all, it's not everyday that some random blogger gets mentioned in a widely popular blog right?

Some statistic :

First, the usual 20 odd hits per day shot up 1,250% to around 250 hits in the last 24 hours. 1,250%!!!

Wah piang. What an unbelievable chart. If I long just 10 lots of the Nikkei 225 at 20 and collect my profit at 250, I would have made 1,150,000 yen, equivalent to SGD 17,670. Those who possess a little knowledge in trading will know what I'm crapping about.

This chart displays the page views as well. Incredible huh?

Now, some thoughts and observations.

It's fucking amazing to imagine the power someone can possess which will influence a virtually unknown blog. Analogically speaking, "If Greenspan ever sneezes, the world markets shiver." Well in my case, "If Cowboy Caleb ever sneezes, my Site Meter sizzles!" Ok that's bull crap. Move on.

Another thing I noticed is that people who read blogs are emphatically freaking stingy with comments. Out of the unique 230 or so hits that I received in the last 24 hours, only roughly 1.5% (do your own math) left a comment. And 0.4347826% sent me an email. An email. So you can keep the calculator for this one. Thank you Ivan. :) Considering there are quite a few who had spent at least 2 hours flipping through my crappy archives, those figures are somewhat incomprehensible.

Oh well, an intelligent assumption is that 99.999% of those who dropped by yesterday belong to the male species. I strongly believe if I were to change my profile name to HotBabe4378 and put up a pic that looks like this, it'll be a different story altogether. No? Men are pricks what. I'm somewhat guilty of only leaving comments for female bloggers as well. Heh.

To all the horny men and horny lesbians, that image is courtesy of http://wurh.com/. Crap aside, that is a great blog. Check it out.

So there. My 24 hours of fame. I'm out.

What if women are perverts instead of us men?

2005-04-16T01:10:00.000+08:00

I was listening to Mrbrown's podcast with Cowboy Caleb on the subject of manberries when something Caleb said got stuck with me. "All the hot chicks have been getting all the attention lately."

Lately? Make that the beginning of time. Nothing can ever change the fact that men have been en route to becoming chee-ko-peks* ever since the big bang occurred. No?

*chee-ko-peks - Dirty old/young men. I think.

As much as I hate to say this, men have always been somewhat perverted. No shit about that. Drop us on a crowded street or in a bar on a ladies night and our babe-tenna will immediately extend upwards, scanning for possible chiobu (babe) action. Once targets are locked on, we will stare, many times discreetly. We'll ogle with our buddies. Wah! This one good! This one good! Si beh tua liap* man! Check out those HUGE ~~nuts~~ eyes! We'll drool by the buckets. For the more ~~disgusting~~ adventurous, mental images are generated by the gigabytes. Trust me.

*Si beh tua liap - Si beh = Very. Tua Liap = Big.

At times I really wonder, What if?

What if the tables are turned? What if we men never had to develop those chee-ko-pek genes? What if those chee-ko-pek genes were planted on women instead from the beginning of time? What if women are perverts instead?

Some crap I can think of :

Men would never had to be labelled chee-ko-peks. Women, on the other hand, will forever be known to the human species as chee-ko-mmhs. That is, dirty old/young women.

There would be no such thing as Ladies Night. We men will get all the free drinks on Men's Night! Woohoo! We will be hit on by ugly-desperate-looking-for-an-easy-lay women. Power!

Those 1900 ~~sex~~ chatlines? Free calls for men! We dont have to pay a single cent because perverted women are willing to pay $1.95 per minute just to talk cock (no pun) with us.

The hugely popular phrase, Si beh tua liap will never had to be used. Instead, women will ogle at us men and say to their counterparts, Si beh tua ki* man!

*Tua ki - Big Stick.

How nice.

HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP!!!

2005-04-15T12:59:00.000+08:00

There are only two words.

Exceptionally, excessively, exorbitantly, extraordinarily, extremely, fucking, greatly, highly, hugely, immensely, intensely, fucking, markedly, notably, overly, remarkably, severely, fucking, strikingly, surpassingly, terribly, totally, unusually, fucking, utterly, very, violently,

STUNNED!!!

Phew! First, thank you to http://thesaurus.reference.com/ This marvellous website has always allow me to give a false impression that my 'O' Level vocabulary is powderful at times.

Second, A VERY BIG THANK YOU to Cowboy Caleb for plugging me in his latest post, "Bloggers You Really Should Check Out part 8". I still cant quite believe it. I'd been freaking cowboy-ed by one of my idol bloggers. Me??? Cowboy-ed??? It's all so unbelievably surreal. What more, a hugely popular, adored-by-many blogger declared my post on A Tiny Confession "a splendidful read."

Wah piang. That word splendidful has been ringing in my head non-stop for the last hour. I'm floating in lalala land right now. Never had my Site Meter registered so many hits in just 1 hour! Henceforth, I shall be known as "The One-ders*".

Lastly, as much as I hate to, I would like to thank Blogger. Though you might have screwed me up on countless occasions, I still love you nonetheless.

*For the uninformed, that means "One Hit Wonder".

Tomorrow - Bulletin of Singapore Bloggers

2005-04-15T09:27:00.000+08:00

While looking at my Site Meter statistics earlier, I was somewhat puzzled by the few unusual extra hits to my blog. One look at the referrals explains it. Apparently, I've been mentioned on this brand new website which dig up and stockpile many "interesting blog entries". The entry that got me mentioned is a post on "A Tiny Confession".

How bizarre. There's actually someone out there who thinks that my crap is "interesting". Oh well, there's no such thing as bad press I guess.

To the admin of http://tomorrow.sg/, thanks for sticking me up. I'm very much flattered. All the best in developing your website into a hugely popular one.

Pay someone a compliment today

2005-04-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

You've got to hand it to those insurance agents born with the gift of gab. First impression last, we all say. And that bugger certainly got into my good books with the first thing he said to me when I met him earlier for the first time. I shall call him PLP (Por Lam Pa), loosely translated means "carry balls".

PLP : Wah! You workout ah? (I was at home, half naked when we met.)

Me : Errr... No.

PLP : You got to be kidding me. Can see a bit of 6 packs you know?

Me : Dont joke lah. So much pui ba (fatty meat) you say I got 6 packs.

PLP : Serious. Your body shape very nice.

Me : *fake laughs*

There's one thing I need to make clear. I DO NOT own a 6 pack. I've never had them my entire life because I strongly believe Unity Is Strength. Break em up into 6 individuals pieces and one will weaken considerably.

So there, that's the reason why I call him PLP.

Nevertheless, I felt great. Who doesnt adore compliments? Granted, it might be total horseshit, but a tiny part of me kept replaying what he said. Your body shape very nice. After that outrageous lie, I can feel myself shamelessly sucking in my huge gut all the time while we were discussing my financial planning needs. Men are such vain pricks.

Everyone loves a compliment, no matter how phony it may sound. It sort of get stuck inside you for quite a while, and it just keeps on replaying in your head. No?

Tell an overweight lady, "No what, you where got fat?", and she'll orgasm on the spot.

Tell the auntie selling vegetables, "小姐，我要一个 carrot (Young lady, I want a carrot)", and she'll give you 10 for the price of one.

Tell your future mother-in-law, "Are you sure you're Angel's mum??? You look like her sister!" and she'll marry her daughter to you on the spot.

Tell a crappy blogger *coughs*me*coughs*, "I LOVE READING YOUR BLOG!" and he'll slap you on the face. Dont lie you jackass!

So, ~~lie to~~ compliment someone today. You never know when you'll make his/her day, just like how PLP made mine today.

A Tiny Confession

2005-04-13T23:51:00.000+08:00

I've shoplifted on quite a number of occasions when I was 15.

Before I continue, I've got 2 things to make clear :

A) If you are a member of the Singapore law enforcement department who happen to chance upon this post, please do not send me an email asking to meet up for "kopi" at the station. I hereby irrevocably state that whatever written here are absolutely fictitious, and are based solely upon my limited vocabulary and imagination.

B) If you are not, you better not pao-toh* me.

*Being a stupid, integrity-less tattletale.

So, what made me do it?

All thanks to the stupid company I mixed with during Secondary 3. Branded paraphernalia were all the rage back then. Calvin Klein, Guess, DKNY, D & G, Armani, Versace and what not. During my time, if you dont own a pair of Armani Jeans (those with an eagle-like logo emblazoned prominently on the back pocket), you are way out the league buddy. Your peers will judge you differently. They will openly mock you when they see you wearing a pair of "keno" brand jeans and a Calvin & Hobbes T-shirt. So to sum up, if you dont wear Armani Jeans and a D & G top, you are a complete doofus.

How could they afford it you might ask? Well, there are a few lucky bastards born with a diamond-encrusted spoon, so money's not an object for them. The rest, well, simply steal to fulfill their disgusting needs. Sad to say, I belong to the latter.

I could never bring myself to do it at first, until there was this day when I paid a friend $40 for an Asics windbreaker which he had stolen. That windbreaker cost $250 then. I thought to myself, this is easy money! And seeing how "branded" my peers looked when we hang out, I slowly succumb.

My very first crime scene was at a mama** shop just downstairs of the flat I stayed in back then. I still remember vividly the first item I stole in my life. A very small piece of candy. I slipped it into my pocket, paid for other stuffs and walked away. My heart was beating so rapidly that I nearly died down there. In the end, I got away cleanly, and I thought, this is chicken feet! That first taste of success set the stage for more action to come.

**A small provisional shop, usually tended by our Indian pals. Hence the name mama.

I grew bolder by the day. There's not one day I didnt "take" anything from the poor mama whenever I visit his shop. Sweets, chocolates, tidbits, The New Paper, can drinks and what have you. In short, I was perfecting the art of shoplifting, so I'll be ready and be more steady for the real deal.

After close to a month of perfecting my shoplifting skills, I'm ready for the big stage. The location, Peninsula Shopping Center. What happened that day would forever be etched in my mind. That's the day I got busted.

I stole a Nike T-shirt worth $19.75. Said T-shirt was sandwiched between The New Paper that I was carrying. When I walked out the store, 2 men grabbed me by the arms, one on each side. At that very instance, 2 ounces of piss squirted out. My knees turned so jelly that I couldnt even feel them. Those 2 men had to literally drag my sorry ass inside their security office. And believe me, I'm not kidding about the piss. I peed in my pants all right. I was scared stiff and frozen with fear.

Back in the office, they told me they were gonna call the police. I cried. Yeah, I literally cried like a baby. I surrender my IC and emptied my pockets when told to. They wanted to make sure I did not steal anything else from the store. Well, there was nothing else except for a packet of Vicks and The New Paper, which I had stolen from the 7-11 upstairs. But of course I didnt tell them that lah. Who would be so stupid right?

Anyway, they told me they're gonna call my parents first and asked for my house number. My heart sank further. I cried and begged them not to tell my parents because they will almost certainly kill me if they know about it. Well, I gave it to them in the end. One of them proceeded to dial the number. Then, the miracle happened. The guy who dialed the number asked for me, and when told that I'm not around, he hung up. That's when I suddenly saw a bright light at the end of the tunnel.

I was lucky. REAL FUCKING LUCKY. Nope, they didnt call the police in the end. Up till now I still cannot believe they actually let me off with a warning. They didnt even tell my parents what happened. If that's not a miracle, what is?! I reckon I must have done some pretty good deeds my previous life.

That was the last time I shoplifted.

*** To the 2 men who busted me, thank you for not staining my life with a criminal record. I'm a good man now.

*** Dear mama, I am truly sorry for what I've done back then. Please forgive me too.

Spooky?????? You've got to be kidding!

2005-04-12T23:25:00.000+08:00

Who in the world will be spooked by this groovy, new email notification?

The answer : My dear old Mum.

I've been using that notification since I installed the Gmail Notifier 2 days ago. Dear mum says that whenever she hears that sound in her room (my speakers are quite loud), she get so scared stiff that her heartbeat escalates. She claimed that it sounded spooky, as though "something" is in my room. Can you believe that?!

No thanks to her, I dont even dare to use that notification anymore because when I hear it again myself and think about what she said, the hairs will stand. I've always suspected I got my cannot-watch-horror-movies genes from my dad. Now I know who the real culprit is.

Well, I know what to do now if she keeps nagging at me to clean up my room, I'll make sure to use this.

That'll do the trick and shut her trap.

No I wont do that to you mum. I love you, though I can never bring myself to say that in front of your face.

UPDATE - Tuesday, April 12 8:19 PM :

The link to the creepy wav sound has been blocked by the stingy site administrator. And I cant be bothered to look for a replacement.

E-Filing made easier my ass!

2005-04-11T23:02:00.000+08:00

Apparently, Blogger is not the only website that is screwed. Another website that is totally screwed up beyond any description -> Our very own IRAS website!

I started my E-Filing at 3pm. 2 bloody hours later, I still cant get the bloody server to accept my submissions. KNN. I'm fucking pissed to the highest degree.

I actually spent one whole hour consolidating all my returns (calculated whole of last year's profits, commissions, expenses, insurances and etc...) and spent the next bloody hour clicking the submit button to no avail. Guess what's next? The bloody stupid-idiotic-sonafabitch-moronic-dodo-nincompoop server kicked me out of their primitive-screwed-up-beyond-hell system. The final kick to my balls is when I re logon to the primitive-screwed-up-beyond-hell website, my 1 hour of hard work consolidating all those shit vanished into cyberspace.

There are only two words. First starts with a C and the second starts with a B. As much as I wanted to, I shall refrain from typing them out here. Picture those 2 words yourself in BLOCK letters ending with an exclamation mark and you'll get the drift.

Here comes the fun (not really) part.

I emailed support for advice, and I shall quote a short sentence from their auto reply :

"we will try to respond within 2 weeks"

2 weeks huh? My balls are so touched. Two words again.

I called their helpline next, and stopped dialing after failing to get through for 45 minutes. Two words again.

Dear Mr Comptroller Of Income Tax, why in the name of Lord did you ask me to E-File when your stupid-idiotic-sonafabitch-moronic-dodo-nincompoop server simply refuses to accept my submissions???

Here comes the (real) funny part. On the header of our own IRAS website, it proudly reads "At myTax Portal... you surf, we serve".

In my complaint emails to the SPH and Today publications, I suggested changing the header to "At myTax Portal... you surf, but don't expect us to deliver".

I wanted to write something a little more crude, really, but I dont think it'll stand a chance to get published.

First donor to my Dream Car Fund!

2005-04-11T12:34:00.000+08:00

And the honour goes to...... my buddy IAN TAN!

Actually, it was me who asked him to take pity and donate, just to test whether the system works accordingly. Waaahaaa. Lame.

But alas, I did not receive any dough. Here's bloody why.

When I saw this, I felt like a small kid who'd just received a Christmas gift. Thanks dude!

Then, I went to my Paypal account to view the details. I cursed aloud when I saw this :

Nabeh. 10 cents also wanna steal from me!

Something from the past

2005-04-10T23:10:00.000+08:00

It's really nice to be home for the whole of Sunday. Mum will cook extra and something a little more delectable because my elder sister and brother-in-law will lunch here. I can irritate the hell out of my 3 nieces. I dont have to shower and brush my teeth until like half an hour ago. Of course, the most important, I can sleep all I want. Pretty nice right?

Well, only at times. The food has been digested. I cant irritate the hell out of my nieces anymore as they have gone home. And I'm so wide awake.

And since I've got absolutely no jack shit of an idea what to do, I took out all my old stuffs and went though everything one by one. I found this, written by someone.

I remembered the times that went so fast

Lamenting the love that now is past
Only shattered memories are left behind
Visions engraved in my troubled mind
Embarking the steps of 'no return'

Jilting the lesson that I had learned
Of nothing but a single cry
Rejoice I claimed, was but a lie
Diminishing the pain when my heart melt
Agony and sorrow was what I felt
Nothing else matters since you've been gone

God only knows what's going on
Ohh... How I wish you were here with me
How can it happen, when will it, ever be???

Dated March 1996

To the one who wrote this, you'll always have a very special place in my heart.

I have no idea whether you read my blog, but if you do, and would like to claim credit, let me know and I'll put up your name or something. Or if you want me to take it down, let me know too ye? And I'm still waiting for those damm pics!

One more time and I'll start charging!

2005-04-10T21:03:00.000+08:00

It's official. A lot of people I know consider me as an epitome of separation and divorce cases.

The call I received last night was from just one of many others seeking my advice and consultation. Which part of my body looks like a bloody attorney to you?! Havnt they heard of this thing called Google by now?! Whatever you need, GOOGLE! Damm.

Maybe I should start charging exorbitant fees from people seeking my consultation like those bloody lawyers do. A bloody piece of separation paper costs 400 bucks! Can you believe it? FOUR HUNDRED FREAKING BUCKS! And that's just for a lousy piece of paper. There's still the divorce papers, the court fees, administration fees, and hell, I wouldnt be at all surprised if that damm lawyer charge me 10 cents if he wishes to pee while we are at court.

I would've been a thousan-aire by now.

Lucky I scored a B for Maths in my Os

2005-04-10T13:47:00.000+08:00

I have no idea what's wrong with me. Only 1 week and I went through all those cancer sticks. Unbelievable shit. And I cant seem to stop lighting up.

I recalled an advertisement proclaiming each cigarette you smoke takes away 3 minutes of your life.

Let me do a rough calculation. I started smoking when I was 16. Assuming I went through 15 sticks a day for the last 12 years (That's FREAKING kind to myself) :

Years I've been smoking = 12
Cigarettes per day = 15
Cigarettes per month = 450
Cigarettes per year = 5400

Number of cigarettes I've smoked until now = 64,800!

Minutes of my life lost due to smoking = 194,400
That works out to be 3,240 hours, which is 135 days.

Based on the current situation of my life, I'll be better off without those 135 days.

Well, if this disgusting habit never ever started, at the average of $8.50 per pack, I would've saved a whopping $27,540.

Pretty amazing huh?

Another no title post

2005-04-10T01:40:00.000+08:00

Of all those crap that I added to my new template, the "Make a Donation" button is the one I love most. Waaahaaaa! I'll be dammed if anyone would ever wanna click on that button. Well, got button better then no button. Life is like a box of chocolates. You'll never know what ya gonna get.

The D&D earlier, courtesy of an invitation from Ian, was quite enjoyable I must say. The MC was outrageously hilarious. He totally cracked everybody up. It's been quite a while since I've had such a good laugh actually. The timing couldnt be more perfect.

I think God heard me when I said I needed a sign.

There's a sign alright. The punches were pulled back. Those runaway feelings came to a screeching stop. It's quite painless so to speak.

I can never seem to find that missing piece. It's just too tough.

I'm not at all depressed. I think it's just one of those nights.

My blood is fucking boiling

2005-04-07T22:58:00.000+08:00

Blogger is so fucking screwed that I dont know why I even fucking bothered.

Power Blogger some more. Power my fucking ass.

Some pictures

2005-04-07T13:14:00.000+08:00

All thanks to jace, I managed to acquire close to 700MB of pictures on Nikkei's last trading day. Thank you jace!

My modem will explode if I upload them all.

Man... What should I do?

2005-04-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered how much it'll cost to take a cab from Holland Village to Chua Chu Kang and then back to Punggol?

TWENTY FIVE FREAKING BUCKS!!!

Who the hell wants to stay at Chua Chu Kang??? That's like 108,000 miles away. Oh man. If this thing is gonna carry on, I'll have to sell away my house pretty soon.

Met the little one for the first time. She is just SOOOOOO adorable and looks SOOOOOO yummy that I can eat her alive! Too bad no pictures, yet.

I'm in a freaking huge dilemma right now. I'm so confused. Please God, give me a sign.

The most romantic kisses

2005-04-06T00:16:00.000+08:00

It's been 3 days, and I'm still waiting. Still waiting for something that seems so farfetched. How dumb. I need to get a grip. Move on. It's never gonna happen.

Oh well, back to the crux of this post.

Certain events that occurred will always be remembered fondly for the rest of my life. My first bicycle. My first PC. My first crush. The first gift I bought for my first crush. My first love. Of course, that dark and stormy night (not really that stormy lah) when my virginity is lost forever. And yes, the most romantic kisses.

I was 19 or 20 I think. We met on IRC then. Yeah, how cliche. Cant blame me because then, almost everybody who is anybody IRCed, and I was no exception. I still remember her nick. Mystique. So I shall call her that here.

Mystique and me clicked instantly when we first started chatting. Same age as me, she's a final year Singapore Polytechnic student studying Mass Comm (I think). After chatting for several days over the internet, we finally met for the first time inside Clementi MRT station. That day, I finally understood the meaning of Love At First Sight.

Fast forward few weeks later.

I cant recall what the situation was like exactly when we held hands for the first time. But I'll always remember our very first kiss. No doubt that was one of the most romantic kisses I've ever had in my life.

That night was totally unplanned, though I had a nagging feeling that that night would be it. She was in my house (that explains the nagging feeling), we were just hanging out in my room and talking crap. (Before I continue, I need to mention that I was a big fan of the band "Suede" during then.) So we were just talking cock when "The Chemistry Between Us" started to play. The imaginary light bulb suddenly *TING* above my head.

Here's a short clip of the beautiful song.

Me : "Would....errr...would yooo yoooou like to to tooo to dance?

Mystique : Okay. Sure. :)

That was the first dance in my life. My heart was beating so rapidly, and I almost fainted due to the adrenaline overdose. Lights were dimmed (ooohhh) of course. At first, we did the keep-a-distance dance. I got my right hand on her waist, and my left locking with her right. Her left hand was on my shoulder if you must know. Then slowly, and mysteriously, both my hands were on her waist, and both hers were around my neck, and our bodies touched for the first time, and she rested her head on my chest. Heh, I'm grinning from ear to ear as I'm typing this.

The dance was absolutely romantic. A while later, as though on cue, we lift our heads and look into each other's eyes. Oh man. The setting and that moment was unquestionably perfect. The music. The lights. The cool air from the air conditioning. The company. Everything was just so perfect.

We were so damm shy. We knew we were both dying to kiss each other, but none of us had the courage to go all the way. We would like move forward an inch towards each other, retreat, and move forward, retreat. That happened for at least 3 times before our lips touched ever so lightly, for the first time. Our lips parted as soon as it touched. Then it touched again, and again, and again, and finally they stayed there.

We kissed for what seemed like an eternity.

What happened next is censored here. But no, we did not do it.

Ah well, all good things must come to an end. We broke up outside Parco Bugis. Apparently to her, I'm just an "O" Level holder with no prospect. And she's planning to pursue a degree after her diploma. To her it seemed, there's no future ahead of us. I cried.

Cant blame her. I am JUST an "O" Level holder. Thanks to her, that song by Suede will forever have a special place in my heart.

Freaking crap day

2005-04-05T14:17:00.000+08:00

I suffered the biggest loss today since I started trading the Nikkei. Every trade I do also cut loss. Do this wrong. Do that also wrong. KNN. THe whole freaking world seems to be against me today.

One word. Nabeh.

Why do I always cant think of a title?

2005-04-04T13:22:00.000+08:00

Ever since Dan Brown's Angels & Demons and The Da Vinci Code, I cant seem to obtain other thrillers that are as intriguing and riveting as those two. I'm beginning to wonder, are there any other books out there which can be read with as much suspense and have me on tenterhooks with every turn of the page?

There seem to be none. "Toyko" by Mo Hayden is the second book I failed to complete in as many months. The first being "The Runaway Jury" by John Grisham. I wont say those 2 books are dreadfully boring. It's just that the contents are simply not as gripping to keep me hanging on to the edge of my bed. I guess dear old Mr Brown has set a new benchmark for thriller novels. Is it just me or is it that once you've read Dan Brown's work, other thrillers become bore-llers? Crap. Maybe it's just me.

Currently reading "The Rule Of Four" by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason. Reason why I bought this book is due to what is being (shamelessly) displayed on the shelf. "If you like The Da Vinci Code, this book is a MUST!" Crap. Just 2 chapters into the book and I feel like surrendering. What insolent audacity, for them to ride on Dan Brown's phenomenal bestseller.

Tamade. I want to complain to CASE.

Turn Left, Turn Right

2005-04-04T00:31:00.001+08:00

Channel U was showing "Turn Left, Turn Right" earlier, starring Takeshi Kaneshiro and Gigi Leung. It's an old show, and I caught it for the first time earlier, in between Star Sports and Discovery Travel & Adventure. All hail to the inventor of remote controls!

Anyway, here a short version of the show.

Takeshi and Gigi are supposedly P-E-R-F-E-C-T for each other. What more, they share a same wall because they live next door to each other. But sadly, or rather in my own word, corn-ily, they never meet. This is because she turns left when she leaves the apartment and he, turns right. Hence the title of the show.

Well, the two finally met in a park, spent a perfect day together, yada yada yada... They exchanged phone numbers, but not names, and then go their separate ways. But alas, the scriptwriter is too damm cruel. Both the phone numbers got smudged in a rainstorm and their true love is thus out of reach.

Since this is suppose to be a short version, and I'm lazy to write more, let's just say they went through hell but got back together in the end. Quite touching, but corny.

Do you seriously believe there's a perfect someone for every single one of us out there somewhere on the streets?

Do you believe that while you on a train, that perfect someone is sitting in another car, out of sight?

Do you believe that while you are crossing the overhead bridge, that perfect someone drives away under you?

Do you believe that while you are at Borders browsing through a magazine, he/she is just 10 meters away reading the same mag?

Do I believe my perfect someone is probably typing the same crap as me right now, but we just dont know each other exists?

I dont, actually. Those scenarios are more suitable for corny shows like the one mentioned here.

But, what if? What IF there's actually someone out there who is just perfect for you? What if that guy/gal sitting in another car of the train is THE perfect one for you? How can 2 total strangers, who are totally perfect for each other, get together and live happily ever after?

I dont know man. The only way I can think of is, from now on you ask every guy/gal you meet on the streets this question. "Are you the perfect one for me?" Do that a million times and if you are not thrown into Woodbridge by that time, you might find the perfect someone.

It might work.

Sigh...

2005-04-03T19:22:00.000+08:00

Many times I wish I can be a female. A drop dead gorgeous one at that. Tall, tan, short blonde hair, bewitching eyes, perfect teeth, luscious lips, impeccable dresser, and of course, a fanta-freaking-bulous body that will bleed the nose of every straight male, and lesbians from the North pole to South. Wouldnt it be fun?

If my wish ever came through, I'll make sure I'll break the hearts of every single one of them out there. Yes. I'll be a bitch. This will be my way of dishing out revenge for the countless rejections and disappointments I've been through.

There'll be hordes of men waiting and wanting to date me, and I'll be so spoilt for choice. What more,

- I dont need a car. You wanna date me, you jolly well get your own wheels. Dont expect me to take the MRT with you. (Man, this sounds so familiar.)

- I dont need to crack my brain for those perfect pick up lines anymore. If you approach me and your line is not unique, funny, witty, or whatever, I'll blow you off without a second look. REVENGE!

- I dont need to crack my brain on where to bring my date. I'll leave it all to him for the planning of that first date. You better surprise me. If it's not up to my HIGH expectations, BUZZ OFF!

- I dont need to pay for anything! Woohooooo!

- Imagine all the free drinks I'll get in clubs!

- I dont need to think of what to say every single second during the date. If you wanna date me, make sure you are a smooth talker. Keep me entertained OR ELSE!

Finally, just for the occasional kicks, I wont say it straight to your face if I'm not attacted to you. I'll talk to you on the phone for the next 5 days, with calls lasting up to 2 hrs 45mins just to lead you to think that I'm attracted to you. Hell I'll agree to go out for another date and when the day comes, I'll blow you off and leave you high and dry. Total communication black out. No returning of calls and sms-es. For the final blow, I'll get my little brother to sms you saying that I'm in Malaysia.

Good one eh?

Why am I not a female?!

I've been typing a lot of freaking nonsense lately.

Formula 1 is starting in 8 minutes. Since my favourite driver Juan Pablo Montoya is out with a hairline fracture on his shoulder while playing tennis (duh) last week, I shall root for Team Renault. GO RENAULT GO. BLOW UP FERRARI BLOW!

That First Date - Part 2

2005-04-02T15:06:00.000+08:00

So, what happens after that first date eh?

Anybody can tell you, the days that followed after that first date are the most crucial, and incredibly tormenting of course. Well, the way I see it, there are basically 3 scenarios.

Scenario 1 - Loser pretty much attracted to pretty girl, but she doesnt feel the same way.

Oh man. I consider this the most agonizing scenario for that loser. You know, he goes home and wonder all night. 1001 questions keeps popping up in his head. Was it ok? Did I do ok? Did I behave like a complete doofus? Is she attracted to me? What is she thinking? We had a great chat right? Well, I enjoyed it. Did she? How did I dress? Was my hair ok? Did she smell my fart? No? So should I call her again? Yeah I think I better do that.

Sigh... somehow all of us losers can decide whether the other party feels the same way within a few days after that first date. You can feel it somehow. You know, the calls, whether they lasted more than 15 seconds. Or when she said she's busy and will call back but never did. Or when you sms saying, "Hey how's your day?" and she replied, "Fine" and that's it. You know, that kinda feeling? A bit depressing to be the subject of those OBVIOUS hints right?

Intelligent losers (like me) will obviously notice those hints, and will back off straight away. Sooner or later both parties will be totally oblivious to each other's existence. Well, no harm done. Move on. It's just not meant to be.

Scenario 2 - Both parties kinda attracted to each other.

Bingo. The perfect scenario. Of course both parties dont know that the feelings are mutual, yet. It's still gonna take a couple of calls to establish that both are indeed attracted to each other right? Calling and smsing each other every single day for the next 5 days is sure helluva good sign. Calls lasting up to 2 hrs and 45 mins is another good one.

What happens after that? I dont know, yet. Stay tuned...

Scenario 3 - Both parties dont give 2 hoots after that first date.

Well, this scenario is not perfect, but it bodes well for one another. Both parties suddenly contract amnesia and slips into total oblivion. No more exchange of calls. No more emails. No more sms-es. Well, no harm done. Move on.

Sad to say, I'm a victim of "Scenario 1" for countless times now. Sigh...

A stupid knock knock joke

2005-04-01T11:20:00.000+08:00

I suddenly remembered someone, forgot who is that, said this to me.

Someone : Knock Knock!

Me : Who's there?

Someone : Amos.

Me : Amos who?

Someone : Amosquito!

Me : ......

Feeling pissed and not wanting to be outdone, I replied in kind.

Me : Knock Knock!

Someone : Who's there?

Me : Kenny.

Someone : Kenny who?

Me : Kenny NA BEH Lah!

Waahhaaaa.... Lame, I know. Market too quiet.

That first date

2005-03-31T21:07:00.000+08:00

Ahhh... a seemingly miniscule event some might say. But for most people, it's an event of utmost importance. One can look like Brad Pitt or have a body that rivals that of the latest Men's Health magazine cover dude, but if you dont "perform" well on that very first date, adios to the second. You have only one shot, and that single shot will make the difference between being the big D or the big L. Dude or Loser I mean. Wanna get laid? Read on!

The first impressions last forever. Yeah? That's why every single one of us behaves our BEST during our first date. And that means :

- You make sure you dont smell like someone who just finished a marathon. You tend to scrub harder and longer when having a shower before that first date. Areas that seldom see the likes of Dove and Lux receive special care and attention. No?

- Perfume. Who can forget that? Spray on some Hugo Boss and presto, you will shamelessly believe you ARE that dude in the advertisement. Magical. Never leave home without it.

- Breathe. Finally, that about-to-be-expired dental floss serves its purpose in life. You brush the living shit out of your teeth. Gum disease? Shit. Tough luck dude. But hey, no worries. There are Clorets to the rescue. Again, never never leave home without it.

- Hair. The usual 10 seconds of styling turns into 10 minutes. And for those vain pricks, 10 minutes turn into 10 hours.

- Dressing. Hhhmmm.... ever ironed a first date underwear as well? Believe it.

A very common advice I hear from people when they hear that some dude is going for their first date with a chick is, "Be Yourself".

"Be Yourself"? Be my ass! That's a definite NO NO. Around your first date, never never be yourself. And that means :

- Dont fart. Your fuck care days of farting loud and clear like nobody's business are over. If you really cant shut your shit hole around your date, at least do it silently. Think pressure cooker. Let it go bit by bit and you'll be fine. If the worst case scenario happens, that is, your shit hole explodes with a thunderous "poot", or the infamous "machine gun" melody, do what I'm best at. Act blur. Deny. Lie. Say things like "Is that you?" or "Who the hell is that?!" That way, your integrity is intact. If there are only the 2 of you within 100 miles, you are on your own buddy. Try the "Is that you?" thing and let me know if it works.

- Dont let go of that burp like you use to, however satisfying the meal can be. I know, sometimes it's really freaking hard to resist. If you have to, same principle as the fart theory, do it the pressure cooker way. One thing to note, always be very aware of the wind direction when you burp. I cant think of anything gross-er than taking a whiff of somebody else's burp. Pui!

- We all know that Singapore is an extremely humid place to live in. So it's quite understandable that it can get a teeny weeny bit itchy down at you-know-where at times. If you "Be Yourself", you always head straight down with your nails without a second thought wont you? But with your first date, NO NO. Dude, get to a toilet and scratch all you want. If you are a loser, wank yourself while you are at it. No toilets? No worries. That's what pockets are for. Reach into your pocket and voila! Be very discreet though. This neat maneuver requires many years of practise. No pockets? Dude... what are you wearing? Pajamas??? If there are no toilets and no pockets available, and you really really must experience the orgasmic-like feeling of relieving an itch, one word. ENDURE!

These are the reasons why we can never "Be Yourself" during our first date.

As always, I cant believe I've written all these crap about first dates. I wanna write about The First Kiss but I havnt had one for a long time, so I cant really comment. Hopefully it will come soon.

So many sheeps...

2005-03-31T11:56:00.000+08:00

Hhmmm... This is quite a good post I must say

http://merenwen13.blogspot.com/2005/03/celebrity-is-as-celebrity-does.html

Recently, I notice there's a quite surge of intellectual voices expressing their views on the current fame and notoriety of XX. Her hotbed of mindless followers needs a bloody wake up call really.

Sigh Sigh Sigh

2005-03-31T09:10:00.000+08:00

It's finally here. D-Day. The last day of open outcry trading in the Nikkei 225.

I just spoke to Darren on the floor. Apparently there are many people inside the trading pit taking pictures and stuffs. How I wish I can be there now to soak in the atmosphere. What's more, I heard there will be free food and beer!

I instructed Darren to take a few shots of the floor and pass them to me. Will upoad them soon.

Sigh...

Updated - Courtesy of Darren's cameraphone.

The last day of Nikkei 225. Sigh...

A little Flickr review

2005-03-30T23:09:00.000+08:00

Though I've deleted my depressing crap from an earlier post, that doesnt mean I've been thrown a life vest. I'm still sinking. And since I'm still depressed and I've had enough of writing depressing crap, I shall do a little Flickr review.

I have to admit. I'm super cheap. I've never ever paid for any services that I obtained through the internet. Though I love Atlas F1, which I think is the best Formula 1 website in the whole world, I can never bring myself to pay €4.99 (SGD10.65) monthly for the latest news. I wont even wanna pay 10 US cents for a song!

And yes, I've never paid for porn. Who needs to anyway?! Havnt they heard of "free sites"? But I have to admit I was pretty tempted on a couple of occasions. Those idiots sure know how to torment people with those "free tours". Damm! Show you a couple of pictures to get your nose bleeding, titillate your loins till they're set ablaze and BAM, there goes your credit card number. Learn from me peeps. Self control. Ahem.

By the by, to my future girlfriend who happens to read this, I'm not a porn addict. I visit them only once a blue moon. I swear with my remote control.

Ok, so now I've established myself as a cheapo. Imagine this cheapo paying USD41.77 for a Flickr Pro account! Yeap. I'm a "pro" user now. So instead of being able to upload only 10MB worth of bandwidth to the server every month, I can do 1 GIG! From now on, every picture that I take will be uploaded to Flickr, instead of storing them on my hard disk.

I've tried a few other photo hosting sites before. Photo Bucket, Yahoo Photos, Shutterfly and etc. I can safely say none of them is even close to being compared to Flickr. In my view, it is almost certainly the best online photo management and sharing application in the world. Not only for the fact that you have 1G of bandwidth per month mind you.

- Own page to show off the photos. (duh)

- Many photo sizes, such as thumbnail, medium and large.

- Set privacy levels on each photo. (of course, that's a must)

- Upload pictures from my cameraphone directly to my Flickr photo page via the email function of my phone. I find this super cool. You can even add a title and description by using your phone. How it works is that each user is assigned a unique email address, which you send the pictures to. The Flickr server will then retrieve the picture from the said email address and upload it to my photo page. Cool right?

- If that super cool feature is not enough, you can even upload it to your blog directly from your cameraphone!

- Tags. Imagine you have a couple hundreds or even thousands of pictures. That would make finding a particular picture hard to find wouldnt it? Now if you assign a tag to each picture, that'll make searching way much easier.

- Unlike other photo hosting sites that restricts the size of your pictures, a pro Flickr user can upload and keep the original size of the pictures, therefore quality is not compromised.

- Another super cool feature is the Flickr Organizr. It's absolutely wonderful for creating a photoset or album. Here's a screenshot.

You can load all your pictures into a single page, arrange them by date taken or date uploaded, and then simply just click and drag them into your album. Nice.

- Of course, the superb ease of use. It's absolutely idiot proof. Yeah, for idiots like me.

Those are just some of the few features that come with a Flickr account. For more cool and exciting features, get a free account for yourself!

That said, the bloody scanner that I borrowed from Ian cant work. I've bought the parallel cable and ac adapter (yeah, it doesnt come with it) and downloaded the necessary drivers, but I cant seem to get it to work. I keep getting these bloody "Scanner Failed" messages. KNN.

Well, that is just one of the many things that keeps screwing up in my life this week. Sigh.

At least I feel slightly better after typing this whole page of crap.

Some thoughts...

2005-03-26T00:41:00.000+08:00

Just got back from KTV at Halo Bar. Quite fun I should say. For 10 bucks an hour, it's considered quite a steal. All these while, I've been singing with the guys inside a private room. It feels kinnda weird to actually do it in "open" earlier, as in, sing inside the pub with the big screens, with all the strangers looking on and all. I believed I've embarrassed myself thoroughly. Sigh... How to take part in Singapore Idol 2 like that. Heh.

I really shouldnt be blogging now. Gotta drag my ass out of bed at 7am tomorrow. Going fishing at secret spot! Woohoo!

Ok. I need to get this out of my head before I can go to bed.

It's been a freaking long time since I've asked for a girl's number, face to face! The last time I did that was like, wait, I cant even remember when was the last time. 6, 7 years? It feels weird. Damm weird. What was I thinking?!

I need to go flop. Will upload some pictures from the KTV tomorrow, hopefully with some pictures our catches!

Yawn...

How cool is that?!

2005-03-25T12:27:00.000+08:00

Since everybody is using flickr, I thought I'll jump on the bandwagon. For those who have not created an account yet, where the hell are you?!!!

I've uploaded my very first picture to flickr by sending an email, with said picture attached, from my mobile phone! How cool is that?! Yeah yeah. I know. I'm sua ku (mountain turtle). You can even post the pictures taken from your camera phone DIRECTLY to your blog via the email function on your mobile. I shall try that soon. Cool!

Shall go explore further.

*** Update - 3:42 PM

I've randomly added some pictures to flickr and also added a flash thingy at the side bar. Cool! I'm really a sua ku. Haha.

On a different note, today is Good Friday isnt it? Damm. I envy everybody out there enjoying their holidays. Poor me still have to work my ass off even when it's public holidays. Tamade. Should have gone fishing at our "secret spot" because the market today is so God damm quiet. Public holidays sucks. I wanna go out!

More crap

2005-03-24T22:34:00.000+08:00

One year ago I cant even empty a can of Tiger Beer. Just taking a few swigs will knock me out cold. Times have changed. You are now looking at a brand new Jordan who can, well, finish 1 litre of beer in 2 hours! And I still walk steadily after that! Okay, I know. It's only 1 litre. I still suck big time at drinking.

Last night was pretty fun. Food was fantastic. Drinks were plentiful. And I managed to stun a freaking HUGE glass home. Haha. I'm a happy man. I simply love that glass! I will not mention the place we went in case I get my sorry ass behind bars. But look at the glass. Is it not pretty?

Just look at the size! Believe me, it's bigger than it seems.

This bugger is so huge that it can accommodate 2 cans of coke. Waahaaa.

Dear owner of some pub in Singapore. If you're missing a glass that looks exactly like the one shown above, please do not, I repeat, DO NOT email me. I'm not a thief. Just borrowing it for a couple of days. Promise.

Man... I'm such a thief.

Well, I'm getting better at drinking. And I'm also definitely getting my stamina back at running. Managed to run for a good 20 mins earlier. Not that it's a lot compared to the stamina I had 6 months ago, but it's a huge leap considering I laid off for quite a while. Will push for 30 minutes, hopefully tomorrow. If things go well, I shall go take part in TNP big walk for the very first time.

Shucks. Blogging is coming a chore again.

Some crap

2005-03-23T14:18:00.000+08:00

My chest area has been feeling kinnda abnormal lately. At times it feels so tight that in order to breathe, I need to put in an extra effort just to do so. At rest, my heart beats at 101 beats per minute, when the normal is around 72 or so? I believe there's something horrendously wrong with my body.

It must be those damm cigarettes. Nobody will be surprised if I die of lung cancer or other smoking related illness in the later stages of my life. The amount that I smoke, sometimes peaking at 1 and a half packets per day, I wouldnt be surprised If I go next year. (Choy!)

I want to quit.

KNN. That was the god-knows-how-many-times I've said that. I think there's only one thing I need quitting. That is to quit talking cock.

For all the technological marvels that we human beings achieved, for all the billions spent on medical researches, we fail to create miracle quit-smoking pills. Damm! Is that so hard?!

That's it. I really should quit talking cock.

Dreamt of my mum-in-law two nights ago. God I miss those lovely people. In the dream, I saw her, Auntie Ros and Auntie Audrey sitting together at some coffee shop. Basically, to cut the super long story short, I went over and say hi. My mum-in-law, for whatever bizarre reasons, ignored me totally. I was so heartbroken that I broke down and cry. Haha. Yeah. And then I ran away. Believe me, it looks like some hongkong drama in the dream when I covered my mouth and did the "run". Haha. And it's supposed to be sad dream.

Oh well. Enough crap for now.

Waaahaaaaa!

2005-03-20T12:13:00.000+08:00

This season of Formula One is all set to be a firecracker. Who would have thought Ferrari and that egoistic Michael Schumacher would start on a lowly P13 in this year's Sepang Grand Prix in Malaysia? Imagine, a ferrari starting alongside a RBR Cosworth engine! Hahaha. This is so embarassing, considering they've won race after race after race for the last few years. Now even the newcomer toyotas are ahead of them.

I got so sick and tired of watching that stuck-up Michael Schumacher that I almost gave up watching Formula One. Now the whole Ferarri team must be peeing in their pants. I'm a happy man. Waaaahaaaaaa!

A Lousy Story Part 2

2005-03-17T13:18:00.000+08:00

So, Ah Boon finally got back his pink I/C on 14th February 1998. It's a beautiful saturday morning. In 2 days time, he will finally start slogging his ass off in the real world. Saying ~~I'm~~ he's nervous is a huge understatement. (Due to my limited vocabulary, I cant think of a word that is nervous-er than nervous. So let's just say ~~I'm~~ he's fcuking nervous.)

During the days leading up to his ORD, Ah Boon thought about his future. A Lot. The real world. What is it gonna be like? Could it be what he always sees on TV? After all, the countless TV dramas that he had watched always depict stuffs like office politics, tons of bitching, back stabbing, betrayal and what not. Can Ah Boon handle the real world? Though hugely nervous, Ah Boon is undeniably stirred and excited. He's all fired up to take on the real world.

D-day finally came. 16 February 1998. Ah Boon's first day at work. Wearing his brand new green shirt with a green tie coupled with, you guessed it, green pants (ewww), he stepped onto the trading floor for the first time in his life.

Ah Boon is instantaneously blown away by what lay in front of his eyes. The whole trading floor, the size of a football field, is a perfect pandemonium. The noise generated by the hundreds of pit traders screaming God-knows-what and waving inscrutable hand signals all at once is absolutely fearsome, yet awe inspiring at the same time. Around the trading floor dangled gigantic electronic wallboards, with a million different sets of numbers flashing simultaneously. Each and every one on the trading floor wears a jacket. There's a multitude of amazing colors and patterns on the jackets they are wearing. Yellow, red, blue, green, orange, pink, stripes, squares, circles and what have you, all emblazoned with logos and names of the different banks and financial institutions they work for. To summarize, the sights and sounds within the trading floor are quite simply, "W-O-W!".

The first day passed without any incident. After being handed a yellow jacket, a color that "runners" and booth clerks wear, Ah Boon was told to just stand around his seniors and observe. And since he dont know jack shit and "runners" are not allowed inside the trading pit itself, that's what he did. Stand and observe. Other than buying coffee and snacks for his seniors, all Ah Boon did all day was to stand and observe, exactly as told, for the next 12 hours. While soaking in the boisterous atmosphere, Ah Boon thought to himself the whole day, "One day I'm gonna be just like them, standing inside the trading pit, screaming off the top of my lungs. How cool is that?!" All in all, Ah Boon was glad that he survived that very first day.

On his second day of work, 17 February 1998, ~~Jordan~~ Ah Boon met her eyes for the very first time. "She's an angel", Ah Boon thought. An angel like no other. Even her name sounds like angel. And her name is...... Angel. (Duh)

Little did Ah Boon know, locking his tiny eyes with hers for that very first time proves to be the biggest mistake he'll ever commit in his entire life. Her angel eyes...

To be continued...

A Lousy Story

2005-03-16T12:24:00.000+08:00

Note : I can never stress this point enough. This lousy story is based solely upon the author's (Ahem, that's me. Duh.) limited imagination. Any resemblance either to the living, dying or dead is purely coincidental.

Long long long ago, in a land far far far away... (Well, not really THAT long and THAT far, just trying to sound a bit more drama.) The year is 1998. The location is a sunny island people call Singapore that, by the way, sells the world's most expensive cigarettes. KNN. $11 per pack. WTF?! Uncle Lee, we are not millionaires like you, you know?!

Ok, back to story proper. Where am I? Oh yes. Year 1998, there's a handsome young man named Ah Boon. Ah Boon is currently serving his last few months of his mandatory 2 years National Service. Well, since he's gonna ORD (Operation Run-out Date) soon, he ought to feel estactic right? Hell yes he is! He cant wait to boogie his way out of the stupid guardroom for the last time, armed with his pink IC, shouting "ORD LOH!" No more stupid guard duty. No more stupid confinement. No more lousy cookhouse food served by ah bengs with dragon tattoos. Simply put, Ah Boon cannot wait another day.

As D-day drew closer, Ah Boon's fears for the future escalated. What the hell is he gonna do when he ORD? A drop out from Singapore Polytechinc, Ah Boon is armed only with his lousy piece of "O" Level certificate. In this (screwed up) society where paper qualifications meant everything, what can he possibly do when he get out from the army? Be a waiter again? Hell no. That's a job suitable for Secondary School kids during their holidays. No way is Ah Boon going back to his waiting days. Be a factory worker? What good is that gonna do for him? In short, Ah Boon is terrified of what the future might hold for him. Absolutely terrifed. The thought of having lousy cookhouse food served by ah bengs with dragon tattoos for the rest of his life suddenly dont seem so bad after all.

Luckily for Ah Boon, he's got a very capable brother, Ah Wee.

Allow me a very brief introduction on Ah Wee.

Ah Wee is 11 years older than Ah Boon. He's works in a financial institution, then known as SIMEX - Singapore International Monetary Exchange. This said institution is now known simply as SGX - Singapore Exchange. At the age of 32, Ah Wee, who did not even complete his "O" Levels, is taking a 5-figure income home each month. He makes a living by executing orders for customers via an open outcry trading system, earning commissions for every trade that he and his cohort executes. This is known as order filling.

Being the head of an order filling group, with about 6 traders under him, Ah Wee offered his little brother, Ah Boon, a job as a "runner" under his group. Being aimless in life and with nothing to look forward to after he ORD, Ah Boon accepted the offer in a heartbeat.

Unknown to Ah Boon, that decision he made will shape his entire life forever...

Too be continued...

Note : Though I'm currently working within the said financial institution, let me stress this very very clearly again : This story is completely fabricated in its entirety. None of it is true. I repeat. None of it is true. Your assumptions (if any) are wrong. I am neither Ah Boon nor Ah Wee. And I am in no way related, affiliated, contracted, contacted, connected, associated, amalgamated, or molested, to/by Ah Boon or Ah Wee.

My dearest grandchildren, I dedicate this blog to you.

2005-03-16T00:24:00.000+08:00

I remember hearing this somewhere.

"Around 60% of bloggers quit blogging within 6 months after they started."

True. True.

BUT... Why should I be a statistic?

Manage to find this :

10 Ways To Create Content For Your Weblog

Hah! So, here I am again.

I have to admit, many of my interests in life are very short lived. (The fact that I'm bloody lazy didnt help much either.) Take gyming for example. When I'm selected to be one of the four participants for the Ultimate Makeover Challenge last year, I was indeed ultra motivated. I worked out like 4 to 5 times a week. During then, the thought of quitting never crossed my mind. I seriously believe that I can do this for the rest of my life. Afterall, I truly enjoy working out. (Then, that is.)

Alas. The motivation lasted only 3 months. My lifelong dream of achieving that chiseled 6 packs did not materialize, no thanks to the other kind of 6 packs I have in my fridge.

(Eh dude. If you are reading this, pai seh lah. Just simply no motivation can? Play so big meh? Dont go cannot meh? Meh? Meh? Meh?)

Lotsa other short lived interests occurred in my life but my laziness prevented me from listing them down. What's new? Heh.

So there. I pray that this newfound motivation to carry on blogging will stick with me for a long time to come.

For my grandchildren and my grandchildren of my grandchildren, and my grandchildren of my grandchildren's grandchildren (I want to go on but I dont wanna confuse myself too much), this blog is for you to amuse yourself when you are old enough to read. Remember, your *grandpa loves you!

*for those grandchildren born later, figure out yourself how many great-great-great you need to add in front of "grandpa". It's not my fault that you are born so late!

Last post? Maybe. I dont know.

2005-03-03T21:08:00.000+08:00

I wanna blog about how my day went.

I wanna blog about the current John Grisham book that I'm reading, and the previous one that I finished at Phuket.

I wanna blog about Formula One. The new season is finally here again. First race this weekend.

I wanna blog about my favourite driver Juan Pablo Montoya, and how I hate that Michael Schumacher.

But as I stare at the monitor, my head is a complete blank.

I hate to admit this. I've lost interest in blogging. I'm defeated. There's no more inspiration left.

This blog will cease to update. Maybe for a long time.

Cant wait to go back there again

2005-03-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

I am so burned! I reckon I got enough sun the last couple of days to roast an elephant to pefection. It's so unbelievably beautiful over at Phuket. Weather is a perfect 10. The whole stretch of Patong Beach is absolutely gorgeous. The people are friendly as always. Smiles everywhere even though occupancy rate is at a low of just 30% in its peak season.

Around 60% of the shops along the beach road were wrecked entirely by the horrific disaster. Major reconstructions are still going on. Many posters offering rewards for the missing are still being stuck on lamp posts and notice boards, a grim reminder on what happened that fateful 26 December morning last year. You got to be amazed by the spirits of the locals and volunteers , the effort put it to rebuild the island. All of them are keeping hope and faith for the future. Afterall, tourism is their livelihood. So if anybody wanna help them, there's only one thing you can do. Pay them a visit.

How can anyone not like it here? New beach chairs and umbrellas! The coldest beer in the world in one hand, a good book on the other. It cant get any better than that.

Sigh. I'm already starting to miss that place so much while on the plane back home this morning. I wanna go again soon!

The highlight of my visit has gotta be my first Muay Thai experience on Sunday night. It was a real eye opener. Everything I saw on TV the last time came to life in front of me. Well, sad to say I lost some money betting on some of the fights. Heh. Yeah, they do accept bets. You dont actually go to a counter to place bets like we do in Singapore. There's actually a corner where locals will bet against locals for small amounts, and if an amount is too large, a "bookie" will take it. Lost a total of 1,500 BHT, or the equivalent of 63 bucks over here at home.

Something interesting happened during the course of betting. As I was placing my first bet with a "bookie", a local (we shall call him Ah Beng), beside me asked me who I was betting on, red or blue. I said I'm betting on red, since well, that's my favourite color and I have no jack shit of an idea who's better. Well, seeing that I'm not a local, and thinking that I might bring him some luck, Ah Beng shouted to the "bookie" and said "OK! I follow him. 200 BHT!"

I thought "Opps!" Ah Beng better not kill me if I'm wrong. Haha.

There's no such thing as beginner's luck in this world. The fighter in the red corner got knocked out after 3 rounds out of 5, with lotsa blood oozing from his head. Or maybe I jinxed him. Heh. Ah Beng must be cursing at me now.

A shot of my man in action.

KOed!

Undeterred by the initial setback, I went back to the betting arena to place my bet for the next match. Ah Beng saw me and walked over.

Me : Awww man. We lost.

Ah Beng : Next match. What you want? Red or Blue? (Not amused)

Me : Hhmmm.... Errrr.... Same? Red?

Ah Beng : How much? (I believe he almost strangled me)

Me : 500 BHT?

Ah Beng : Ok. I take you. 500 BHT.

So there. We shook on it. As I walked to my sit, I thought of how Ah Beng will look like with his I-so-wanna-strangle-you look when he hand me the 500 BHT he lost to me. And I chuckled inside. :) Our dear friend apparently thought that I'm suay, so he bet opposite of me. HAHAHA! Just you wait Ah Beng!

My man in red and his opponent doing the pre fight routine.

I managed to get a shot of Ah Beng. The one in orange. That area is the "betting arena".

So?

Well, sad to say our Ah Beng friend is dead accurate. I'm suay afterall. Damm! The referee stopped the fight after 4 rounds, cause my man in red simply cannot match his opponent. Ah Beng recouped his losses and won another 300 BHT, courtesy from me. Well, at least he smiled after that.

The 3rd match I betted on was a real close one. Red again. Both fighters matched each other punch for punch, kick for kick. Alas, my suayness prevailed. The referee awarded the win to the blue corner. He won by a whisker.

Ringside! You cant get any closer. There's my man.

So there. I lost all the 3 matches I bet on. A grand total of 1,500 BHT. Money well spent. I had loads of fun. :)

Phuket here I come!

2005-02-26T06:30:00.000+08:00

One of my favouite place to chill has gotta be the Changi Airport's departure lounge.

Being here makes me so damm proud to be a Singaporean. Clean, big, nice and they've got such a wide array of stuffs here. Not to mention free internet, which is why I'm blogging now. :)

My favourite part has gotta be the duty free section. Imagine a carton of cigarettes a only $17.20, compared to a bloody $110.00!!! Can you believe it?!

My flight wont be in another 1 hr. So I'll go explore now. Ta!

Finally

2005-02-24T21:11:00.000+08:00

I thought I better write something to prevent my blog from decomposing. So here we go.

Finally, I went for a run after like 2 and a half months. So when I nearly collapse after just 17 mins of running, it's no surprise. This is real bad.

Just finished packing my bag. Going to Phuket this Saturday for 4 days! Woohooooo! The reason why I'm going is because it's too darn cheap! I'll be doing myself a great injustice if I dont go. 75% off regular rates! Cant wait.

So, finally, I start blogging again after almost 2 weeks. When I signed in moments earlier, I told myself to write at least 10,000 words so as to make up for my laziness before. Alas, I think this is all I can manage.

Strange, my interest in blogging is diminishing, slowly but surely. Sigh. Good or bad? I really dont know.

Happy Valentines Day ya all

2005-02-14T00:27:00.000+08:00

Well, it's D day again. I dont know whether I should feel happy or depressed.

Happy because I dont have to pay a ridiculous amount of money just to spend D day with a loved one. I pity those buggers really. (Yeah I know. Sour grapes.)

What better way to spend the day cooking for someone you love right? Sigh...

And sad, because I dont even have anyone to share a bowl of maggie mee tonight.

Interesting note from Jack Neo's latest film, "I DO, I DO" :

新加坡有四百万人口

有两百万个是女的

扣掉了一百万老的

还有一百万个女的

为什么我一个都没有?!!!

How true.

A few mistakes

2005-02-13T13:18:00.000+08:00

Mistake One - I shouldnt have bought 2 tons of Chinese New Year goodies. Now I'm stuck with 1.8 tons of it and will have to stuff myself with those for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next 6 months. How would I know?! It has always been my mum who's buying all these years. But since it's my first time as owner of the house hosting Chinese New Year, I reckon I'll do it for a change.

What the hell, next year I'll just buy a tin of Kong Guan biscuits for people who come visiting.

Mistake Two - I shouldnt have entrusted dear mum to prepare food. If you think 2 tons of Chinese New Year goodies were a lot, wait till you hear how much food mum bought for steamboat. 100,000 TONS!

Man, just because the whole of my uncle's family from Malaysia is coming for lunch and just because I told her I've invited 15 friends for steamboat lunch yesterday doesnt mean she had to prepare THAT much food right?! Let me see......

Reunion dinner - Steamboat

Chinese New Year day 1 - Steamboat for breakfast, lunch and dinner

Chinese New Year day 2 - Steamboat for breakfast, lunch and dinner

Chinese New Year day 3 - Steamboat for breakfast, lunch and dinner

Chinese New Year day 4 - Steamboat for breakfast, lunch and dinner

And yeah, you guessed it. It's day 5 and I just had steamboat for lunch. And there's still 99,999 tons of those in the fridge!

I swear I wont be touching steamboat for the next 100 years. I'll kill myself if I see another fishball.

Mistake Three - Never invite 15 people for lunch if I only have a table big enough for 6. Not to mention I only have 6 pairs of chopsticks, 6 bowls, 6 plates, 6 blah blah blah. Bought a mahjong table and couple of chairs in the end to "extend" the table. Plus all the necessary paraphernalia. Why didnt I think of those in the first place?!

Mistake Four - I getting old. I should never play overnight mahjong again. After playing overnight for the last couple of days, my biological clock is screwed. The fact that I lost money doesnt help much either. Tamade.

Mistake Five - NEVER NEVER EVER buy "bak kwa" from "Bee Cheng Hiang". Those that I've purchased turned mouldy after just one week. Imagine the shocked look on one of my relative's face when I opened the tupperware to offer him a piece. How bloody embarrassing. 2 kgs of barbecued pork for 90 plus bucks and I've ate only 2 pieces. Triple nah beh. I'm so bloody pissed!

There you have it. Overall, this Chinese New Year has been pretty fun. Less the losing money and cleaning up part of course.

I'm so tired now.

Crap

2005-02-08T13:10:00.000+08:00

Suppose to be trading now but ended up typing a freaking long comment on XX's blog. Now I have no more "form" to trade. Tamade.

I guess I'll end the day early and start cleaning up the living room. Man I cant stop thinking bout the steamboat tonight. Slurp!

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR! SMUAKS!

*** Update Tuesday, February 08, 2005 5:32 PM

She deleted and disabled all comments. Man, I actually stopped trading just to type her a comment! Sigh...

My dream girl :)

2005-02-07T23:23:00.000+08:00

The girl on the extreme left, her name is Ms Pinthongta Shinawatra. At 22, she is the eldest daugther of Thailand's Prime Minister. Is she not lovely? And guess what, she is the richest person in Thailand by stock market value. A WHOOPING US$450 million!!!!!!

How did she get all these money? Well, she got it from her father, Thaksin Shinawatra, who had to give it away before he could become the Prime Minister of Thailand.

Who says only bitches can be materialistic? I can too!

Will you marry me Ms Pinthongta? I promise to be a good boy. Dont worry. I wont ask for much. Just these.

- A MERE 1% of your wealth. Roughly US$4.5 million. Only.

- A red Ferrari F430 or a Lamborghini Murcielago would be nice. You wont wanna take the MRT with me right?

- Ask you nice daddy to build us a 3 storey bungalow somewhere in Patong Beach, Phuket, so we can suntan everyday. Hell, I wear a bikini if you want me to.

- Monthly trips to the world's most exotic beach resorts. Everyday Phuket also sian right? Of course you pay lah!

- With all the wealth you've got, I dont think we need to work anymore. But if you insist, get your daddy to appoint me as some director of Shin Corp can already. I'm quite easy going.

That's about it. Told you not much.

In return, I'll do all these for you.

- I'll start working out again. In our private gym of course.

- I'll learn how to speak Thai, just for you my lovely thing.

- I'll write you a love poem everyday, in Thai!

- I'll perfect the art of making Thailand's famous dishes so I can cook for you everyday. Tom Yam Soup and Pad Thai.

- I'll love you till the end of time. :)

Will you accept my proposal? Please?

Kop Koon Krap!

(Most) Women are just so fucking materialistic

2005-02-06T11:59:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I used the F word here. I cant think of any other way to stress my point.

My point is, if you dont have it, dont ever think about getting a date. Period.

I never wanted to write about it because there's no point really. A fact is a fact. But reading XX's blog last night got my blood temperature up slightly. I curse that she'll never get laid. Ever.

A guy can score a perfect 10 during his first conversation with a lady. He can look like Brad Pitt and crack the funniest jokes. But when he ask for a date, chances are he will be rejected in a heart beat. Why? Because he dont have it.

So, what is it?

The below conversation will better illustrate it.

Poor guy meets material bitch somewhere. Had a wonderful conversation with her and proceeds to summon all his courage to ask her out for a date.

Poor Guy : Hey, it's been really great talking to you.

Material Bitch : You too. You are so funny loh. Heehee. (Hee my ass)

Poor guy : Listen, errr... you wanna go for dinner together sometime?

Material Bitch : Sure why not? (I bet you want a free prada bag instead.)

Poor guy : Great! How bout this coming Friday?

Material Bitch : What time you come pick me? You got car right?

Poor Guy : Sorry I dont drive.

Material Bitch : Oh. (Oh? Oh my hairy ass.)

Poor Guy : Hhhmmm... how?

Material Bitch : Can I confirm with you again?

That you have it. No car, no honey. That's the harsh reality of this dating game. Out of a perfect 10 score, you will already score 9 if you have a car. If you are a great company but you dont own a car, sorry dudes, you can go wank yourself for the rest of your lives.

Trying really hard to blog

2005-02-04T22:09:00.000+08:00

Man I feel like blogging now before American Idol starts at 10pm, but words just cant seem to flow. I have absolutely no shit idea what to write. What's happening?!
.
.
.
.
.

Ok. After the above paragraph, I went to get myself a beer. Since I cant drink for peanuts, I shall try and intoxicate myself with 2 gulps so that more crap will flow. Be back in 15 mins.
.
.
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.
.
I'm back. And I'm still not drunk. And I still dont know what to write.

Wait. Why made me started this blog in the first place? Ha!

The reason I started this blog, well, it's because I was really really depressed with my life then. I desperately needed an outlet to vent my frustrations. Deep down inside me there's this voice screaming to be heard, but there's no one around to hear me. So there. I blog when I'm feeling depressed. I blog when I'm feeling lonely. Well, not that I'm not feeling lonely now. Wait, I am. So that's why I'm blogging now. Wait. That doesnt make sense. Ah crap.

So, now that I'm 99.9% over my depression, I cant help thinking whether I should just stop all these blogging. Maybe I should.

Oh yeah! Had a funny dream last night. I dreamt that I went for the Singapore Idol 2 audition and got through! Hahaha. Must be last night's American Idol's doing. And the song I sang to get myself through to Caldecott Hill? Uptown Girl! So in the dream that followed, I went to Caldecott Hill, yada yada yada, and subsequently got booted out in the first round of elimination. Haha!

Seriously, maybe that's a sign telling me to go for my 20 seconds of fame. Haha.

I'm feeling a bit drunk now. Ciao.

So damm pissed today

2005-02-02T20:07:00.000+08:00

That's because I did not get my "Lim Chee Guan" Bak Kwa.

Headed straight down to Chinatown after my haircut at Bugis. I was so determined to lay my hands on those Bak Kwa. But when I reached there, I gave up upon seeing the queue. You will not believe how bloody long the queue is! It's as though all the other Bak Kwa shops in Singapore went bankrupt so something. Tamade.

In the end opted for "Bee Cheng Hiang". The shop which every other Singaporean avoided like plague. Double Tamade.

The inevitable has finally happened

2005-02-02T19:46:00.000+08:00

The Exchange is eliminating the open outcry pits one by one. And the Nikkei 225 plus the JGB pits are the first to be slaughtered on 31 March.

Everything seem so surreal. We all know that it's gonna happen sooner or later. Rumours about the whole place shutting down has been rampant ever since I joined on Feb 1998.

It's so disheartening to see the place go. I couldnt believe my eyes when I saw this circular. It has finally happened.

SINGAPORE EXCHANGE
197802854W

SGX - Derivatives Circular: For All Members

2 February 2005

Circular No. DT/AM-12 of 2005

GROWTH OF ELECTRONIC SGX NIKKEI 225 FUTURES TRADING AND THE CLOSURE OF SGX
NIKKEI 225 AND JGB FUTURES PITS

The electronic trading of SGX Nikkei (e-Nikkei) 225 futures has surpassed
the one million mark for contracts done since November 2004. Electronic
trading for SGX Nikkei 225 now represents about 80% of total SGX Nikkei
trading volume.

With the rapid growth of the electronic trading of SGX Nikkei 225 futures,
SGX has decided to consolidate the trading of this contract on the
electronic platform and close the SGX Nikkei 225 futures open outcry
trading pit after the close of business on 31 March 2005.

Following the successful transition of SGX Nikkei 225 futures to electronic
trading and in response to market demand, SGX will now develop the
electronic SGX JGB (e-JGB) futures contract. We will introduce an
electronic market making programme for the JGB futures commencing 14 March
2005. In conjunction with the e-JGB initiatives, the SGX JGB futures open
outcry trading pit will also be closed at the end of the business on 31
March 2005.

However, both the options pits of SGX Nikkei 225 and JGB will continue to
be opened for trading until further notice.

Mr Gan Seow Ann, EVP and Head of Markets of SGX, said "With the open
connectivity for our members and the seamless access through SGX QUEST, we
have seen a rapid rise in preference for electronic trading of SGX Nikkei
225 futures. The closure of the open outcry trading pits would be a natural
progression as we migrate to electronic trading."

SGX has conducted consultation sessions with our market participants on the
closure of the open outcry trading pits. To facilitate a smooth
transition, SGX has embarked on several initiatives since 2004 to prepare
our market participants for electronic trading. Some of the initiatives
included electronic trading strategy and training programmes, simulated
trading from the Electronic Learning Centre and the provision of handheld
electronic trading devices with SGX QUEST access. Over 70% of the active
floor Locals attended these free electronic training programmes. More than
200 floor Locals had the opportunity to use the facilities at the
Electronic Learning Centre to familiarise themselves with electronic
trading using real-time market feed and trade simulator.

A portion of SGX staff working on the trading floor affected by the closure
will either be redeployed or offered a compensation package of one month
for every year of service. Outplacement, counselling assistance and job
search / placement services will be offered to all affected staff.

Singapore Exchange Derivatives Trading Limited

Sad. Real sad...

I love Bak Kwa!

2005-02-01T21:54:00.000+08:00

I so wanna eat the "Lim Chee Guan Bak Kwa" but I so dont wanna queue. Who would be in a right frame of mind to queue for so many hours just to buy a few slices of cholesterol laden barbequed pork?! CRAZY!

Damm! Why do ALL Singaporeans seem to flock there to buy "Bak Kwa" every Chinese New Year? What cant they freaking buy from "Bee Cheng Guan" or "Bee Cheng Hiang" or something??? All the names rhyme also what. Not say the other "Bak Kwa" got poison.

Typical Singaporeans. What is so bloody good about "Lim Chee Guan"? Got gold inside issit? See got queue means good lah? People queue you also MUST queue. People buy you also MUST buy. People dont buy you also dont buy. Barbeque your own pork! Tamade.

Am going Chinatown to queue tomorrow. Heh.

My beloved "Lim Chee Guan", here I come!

Fantastic Monday!

2005-01-31T19:50:00.000+08:00

I'll be dammed if I dont gain at least 10 kgs after this Chinese New Year. Been stuffing myself with millions of pineapple tarts for the last one week. And I've not even started on those "bak kwa" (barbequed pork) yet!

Tsk tsk tsk... No good at all. I wanted so much to start running again. But eveytime when the weather is cool enough to run, my lazy ass just cant seem to get up. Haha. Ok, I shall start burning those extra pounds after Chinese New Yeah. Right.

Had a fantastic day trading today. I would say it's the best for this month. Talk about ending the month on a high! Too bad there's no one around to share the moment, except this blog.

I felt so elated after the trading session ended. You know, the feelings of jubilation when you have a good day at work, in school, whatever. Be it a promotion, a distinction, pay raise, completed a huge project, or even when that bitch/bastard collegue got the boot, etc. What do you do next? You tell someone dear of course.

"Hey sweetie. You know ah, that bitch got sacked. Finally! I'm so happy. Let's prepare steamboat tonight to celebrate!"

Sigh...

It suddenly dawned upon me earlier that I actually have no one dear to share the moment. How sad. Not that I'm desperate to get hooked up or something. No. Ahhh crap, it's one of those moments again.

Maybe I should take up my mum's suggestion of her getting me a china bride. Yeah, she actually suggested it couple of months back. Hahaha. I was like, ??!!!!

Maybe I should huh... she'd better be able to speak good english.

Crap...

2005-01-30T23:54:00.000+08:00

Played Starcraft today after what, 5 years of not playing? Got trashed BIG time in the multiplayer game online. Tamade. To that guy who trashed me, dont be too smug. If you have met me 5 years ago, you wont even survive 10 mins!

Anyway, I took a picture with the loveliest baby in the world on Friday. :)

What a doll!

Super quiet day

2005-01-27T13:40:00.000+08:00

I cant believe the market is so bloody quiet today. And still I managed to lose money. &*%^%#$!!! Should have went for the fishing today instead of yesterday. Crap.

Oh well, one of the many advantages of working from home is that I get to watch TV while working. Haha! Watching the Australian Open now. No, I'm not a fan of tennis. I've never even played tennis before. The only reason I watch tennis is because of my darling.

Aint she a doll? Waahaaa!

Tough match now going currently against Serena Williams. Doesnt look too good. Shit.

***Update - Thursday, January 27, 2005 5:22 PM

I cant believe it.

Maria had it in the bag when she was leading 5-3 in the final and deciding set. And she had 3 match points! In the end she lost 8-6. Simply cannot believe it. Crap.

Breaking The Da Vinci Code - Darrell L. Bock

2005-01-27T11:56:00.000+08:00

Frankly speaking, this book's attempt to so call "break" the code is NOT entirely convincing. From a non-christian point of view that is. I felt that the christian book tried too hard to dispel Dan Brown's theory in order to uphold their own religious faith.

In my opinion, if you are a christian with nagging doubts over whether Dan's theory is true, reading that book will help dissipate those doubts somewhat. Afterall, christianity is suppose to be YOUR faith. And you will always believe in what you believe, no matter what.

If like me, you are a non-christian, dont buy that book. Like I've said, it's not convincing enough. Try looking for those answers through the internet. Yu can save yourself 30 plus bucks. This website has got a couple of reads if you have the time.

Bottom line, do your own research and answer those questions yourself. It is by doing so, that you can truly decide what you wanna believe in. Afterall, a strong belief does not necessarily rest solely on logical proof or material evidence.

After reading "The Da Vinci Code", doubts as to whether the current christianity faith is the "greatest cover up of human history" will be etched in my mind for a long long time. For me at least.

And it's supposed to be just a fiction novel. Incredible. I know.

The worst commercial ever produced in Singapore's history

2005-01-25T21:47:00.000+08:00

That bugger who created this commercial jingle ought to be shoot in his balls.

Dom Dom Dom
One two three
Good price good taste japanese food

Dom Dom Dom
One two three
Suntec tower level three

Dom Dom Dom
One two three
We are Kuishin-Bo

KUISHIN-BO!

What in the name of sushi is the freaking meaning of dom dom dom one two three?!

And to think I heard the food is fantabulous. I had wanted to pay the restaurant a visit but this jingle put me off so much that I had imagined the food being as disgusting as the jingle itself.

I only need to hear this once and that's it. It will be stuck in my head for the next 3 hours. I cant get it out!!!

The next on my hate list has got to be the Mega Mattress commercial, where this couple talk about getting a new "di lam" (mattress). That bloody commercial and the couple's singlish never fails to make my hair stand. The producer needs to shot in the balls as well.

I wont even go on about that DoDo Fishballs jingle. Thank God it's not playing anymore.

I've have approved myself day off tomorrow. Will go fishing with Ian at Sentosa. It's been a long time. Cant wait.

Somehow I can sense that crush fading. Slowly. Well it better go away, considering the events which unfolded yesterday, or rather, events which did not unfold yesterday. And today as well.

Time for secret blog.

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

2005-01-25T19:24:00.000+08:00

I've never been so fascinated by a book my entire life. A fiction one at that.

Well, not that I read a lot of books. The last time I was this fascinated was probably in Primary 3 I think, when I discovered porn in one of my brother's drawer. He got like dozens of them. And mind you, it was those XXX kind of porn. My eyes nearly popped out. Yeah, I was that FASCINATED. Haha. I shall stop digressing.

Back to the book.

"All description of artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals in this novel are accurate."

With those words, the very foundation of Christianity has been shaken. Just how much of The Da Vinci Code should we believe?

Did Jesus marry and have children? The novel suggested that His bloodline, even up till now, exists.

Mary Magdalene. Was she really one of the apostles? Jesus's wife? Was she really the one sitting beside Jesus in "The Last Supper"?

Does the Holy Grail indeed represent the scared feminine, or the quest for "secret documents" or something, instead of a chalice - a cup, used by Jesus in The Last Supper?

Did Constantine really commissioned a new Bible and omitted those Gnostic Gospels that spoke of Jesus's human traits?

Is Jesus not the Son of God? But a mere mortal?

Are there really "powerful documents" to prove that God does not exist?

In short, did the early churches lie about christianity? Could it be the greatest cover up of human history?

The painting of The Last Supper. The "woman" beside Jesus. The hand wielding a dagger that belongs to no one. I'm dumbstruck.

So many other questions I cant think off the top of my head now. And it's suppose to be a FICTION novel!

I've just purchased the christianity book, "Breaking The Da Vinci Code." I shall go find some answers. Now.